Where to From Here?

'A bodily disease which we look upon as whole and entire in itself, may, after all, be but a symptom of some ailment in the spiritual past.'

- Nathaniel Hawthorn

It has been some time since my last Post, possibly because life seems to have been a succession of appointments and tests. It is now time to contemplate my options, although they may appear to be limited.

This 'little beauty' has grown from less than 3cm to approximately 20cm since the end of January. How much longer will it continue to behave in this way? No one knows!

My 'amazing' oncologist has recommended a course of chemotherapy, although he admits it may have little or no effect. The recommendation is for an infusion of Liposomal Doxorubicin by drip into the vein. This would take place every 28 days.

I have been told that not every one gets all of the potential side effects and yet my concern is always the same. If anyone is going to get them, it will be me. There are two issues that perturb me. One is the possible risk of localised reaction at the sight. Given that I have very little use of my right arm/hand, should the reaction in the left be severe, it leaves me in a bind. The same applies for the possible risk of peripheral neuropathy, including hand and foot syndrome. Given that my skin reaction to previous radiation was severe, I am at also at an increased risk for radiation recall. Do I really need to go through that again?

Is there a suitable treatment for recurring, metastatic breast disease that does not have a list a mile long of potentially life threatening risks and side effects?

At this time, I am contemplating saying 'NO' to chemo and taking a chance on moving away from the farm, and the isolation, to put myself into a position somehow that will allow me to spend time in the company of people and also to be of service.

More on that option later!



'Self Imposed' Exile Over

Today my life changed! After 12 months of a 'self imposed' exile I DROVE MYSELF to East Maitland. Alleluia!

There were several contributing factors that saw me give up my right to share the roadway with fellow drivers. There was the tragic motor vehicle accident that took my much loved youngest son and saw him join his beloved Dad in Eternal Life. Then there was the fatigue that plagued me since the completion of radiotherapy in June 2009. Thrown into the mix was the dreadful pain, and prescribed opiates and other medications, to control it. As a result of the Metastic Breast Ca in the Brachial Plexus, I no longer had control of my dominant right arm/hand. We also upgraded our motor vehicle to a 4WD, which seemed to me to be bigger over all.

So I sat at home on the farm alone and lonely, except for the days that I attended yoga and Tai Chi. That is until today! Two beautiful friends, Sonya and Glenys, were heading this way for an appointment. They suggested it would be a perfect opportunity for us to get together for lunch. I even tried to renege on the deal last night, but, thankfully, Haydn refused to be a party to my insecurities and lack of confidence. He reminded me that my journey today was only 4 times to the village of Gresford and return. That's one way of putting things into perspective!

So, I did it! After saying a prayer to Saint Christopher, and asking the Lord to protect me and other road users, I headed off. It was a delightful day of perfect spring weather. My time spent with 2 very special friends has put me into a new place. I feel I have regained a level of independence not seen for 18 months.