Another Day

Another day...another doctor's visit.

The discussion appears always to be about side effects of medication; and therefore changes to same. I was disappointed to find that my INR reading was under 2 and, not quite at optimum level to prevent blood clotting. An increase in Coumadin to 6mg should give me an INR reading of between 2 and 3 within 3 to 4 days.

Once again, Dr Sales mentioned the obvious drawbacks of living at Vacy. I can say, with absolute certainty, that the decision to retire to the farm was not a good one, given my current health problems. What a good idea it seemed when I was healthy, and capable of driving myself wherever I wanted to go. An hour to Newcastle was nothing.

Somehow it seems I have made my bed, as my late Mother would say. Haydn is a farmer; this is HIS life. As I face my own mortality I miss my friends and the many opportunities to visit the local shopping centre for a cup of coffee. Or, to watch the world go by.

As I ponder my current situation it would seem I have a way to go to make any type of life changing decision. Dr Sales assures me I am a long way from going into care, which I had thought was probably my EASY option. Oh well! Back to the drawing board.

Of course there is also the option of believing in the countless possibilities of the mind. Telling myself that this arm is capable of doing everything that it is required to do. If I can do that, as well as getting my medications to the stage that I do not suffer from fatigue, then I could be back behind the wheel and participating in life once more.

Today was an example of just how things go pear shaped while in my current situation. Left home at 8.30am. Saw my doctor at 10am. Finished at 11am. Picked up prescriptions from pharmacy, grabbed some lunch for a 1pm appointment for Bowen Therapy which works a treat on my arm. Remember, Haydn is the driver and he gets to sit in our vehicle for the wait. Not much fun for him and, although he does not complain, I am reasonably sensitive these days. It seems to me, I have lost my freedom. I struggle with the knowledge that I have lost my independence.

As I sat enjoying the company of Ellen [receptionist], I found myself getting agitated when 1pm passed and1.30pm came around. Daphne was still with another patient. I knew that by the time she had finished with me it would be 3pm and, therefore we would be late getting home; Haydn becomes quite tired sitting around all day. I decided to leave without treatment. This would never happen if I was on my own. Why do I feel so guilty?

I know my intuition will tell me when it is time to make changes.

In the meantime I am reminded of the saying 'Things work out best for people who make the best of the way things work out'