Outcome of Today's Appointment

'I cannot believe that the purpose of life is to be 'happy.' I think the purpose of life is to be useful, to be responsible, to be compassionate. It is, above all, to matter and to count, to stand for something, to have made some difference that you lived at all.'

-Leo C Rosten

Today I saw my 'amazing' oncologist who, once again, has shown himself to be compassionate and caring. CT Scan results show my clavicular lesion having gone from 2.5cm (.098 inches) to 19cm (7.48 inches) in 4 months. Not good!

The recommendation is that I have a Core Biopsy on Monday and then speak to my oncologist. During the consultation Dr Van asked a fellow specialist from the Radiology department if further radiation would be an effective; he felt radiation would be 'fast acting.' She said that it could be done, however, the lesion, which is becoming more like a 'wound' each day would most certainly open up. The probability is that I would be left with an ulcerating hole. Dr Van then phoned my regular Radiation Oncologist (Dr Gupta) to discuss the situation. He pointed out my concerns. Those being that this is a secondary tumour caused by the heavy dose radiation given in June 2009. That being the case, the cancer may not be estrogen positive and the reason the Aromatose Inhibitors have had no effect.  An appointment was made to see Dr Gupta on 31 May with a view to further radiation of the area. Chemotherapy is also being considered.

Our trip home gave me the opportunity for contemplative prayer. Having opened the Request for the Core Biopsy I noted that Dr Van had not specified that it is to be done under Ultrasound. Already with increased pain and inflammation in the area, as well as the hardness of the lesion, which, in my opinion, may make a biopsy difficult and painful I am having second thoughts. Nerve endings are affected and it is possible that a biopsy may cause the lump to weep with no guarantee that it would heal quickly and without further problems. I also believe that radiating the area again is simply asking for trouble and I feel Dr Gupta will show his reluctance at the time of our next consultation. He knows how I feel! I know I am playing 'Devil's Advocate' however, the situation requires drastic action. My next post will discuss further options.

I sensed that Dr Van was referring to the correlation between the radiation and the tumour when he quietly said he is sorry that this is happening to me. I promptly burst into tears!

Where to from here?