Thursday, May 19, 2011

Outcome of Today's Appointment

'I cannot believe that the purpose of life is to be 'happy.' I think the purpose of life is to be useful, to be responsible, to be compassionate. It is, above all, to matter and to count, to stand for something, to have made some difference that you lived at all.'
-Leo C Rosten

Today I saw my 'amazing' oncologist who, once again, has shown himself to be compassionate and caring. CT Scan results show my clavicular lesion having gone from 2.5cm (.098 inches) to 19cm (7.48 inches) in 4 months. Not good!

The recommendation is that I have a Core Biopsy on Monday and then speak to my oncologist. During the consultation Dr Van asked a fellow specialist from the Radiology department if further radiation would be an effective; he felt radiation would be 'fast acting.' She said that it could be done, however, the lesion, which is becoming more like a 'wound' each day would most certainly open up. The probability is that I would be left with an ulcerating hole. Dr Van then phoned my regular Radiation Oncologist (Dr Gupta) to discuss the situation. He pointed out my concerns. Those being that this is a secondary tumour caused by the heavy dose radiation given in June 2009. That being the case, the cancer may not be estrogen positive and the reason the Aromatose Inhibitors have had no effect.  An appointment was made to see Dr Gupta on 31 May with a view to further radiation of the area. Chemotherapy is also being considered.

Our trip home gave me the opportunity for contemplative prayer. Having opened the Request for the Core Biopsy I noted that Dr Van had not specified that it is to be done under Ultrasound. Already with increased pain and inflammation in the area, as well as the hardness of the lesion, which, in my opinion, may make a biopsy difficult and painful I am having second thoughts. Nerve endings are affected and it is possible that a biopsy may cause the lump to weep with no guarantee that it would heal quickly and without further problems. I also believe that radiating the area again is simply asking for trouble and I feel Dr Gupta will show his reluctance at the time of our next consultation. He knows how I feel! I know I am playing 'Devil's Advocate' however, the situation requires drastic action. My next post will discuss further options.

I sensed that Dr Van was referring to the correlation between the radiation and the tumour when he quietly said he is sorry that this is happening to me. I promptly burst into tears!

Where to from here?

16 comments:

Diane Rodgers said...

Hi my dear friend....I went directly to your page after reading face book....never expecting your post to be here already....

Of course I am upset with the news on your tumor and how much it has grown in 4 short months....wishing I was there with you to share this burden with you...hold you and never let you go...

What ever happens Cheryl...I must share with you how your life has made a difference to so many. You have so much wisdom,compassion,care for others...always taking time for others to encourage them...You have definately left your footprint in many hearts...including mine!

The Lord has given you many gifts and as it says in the bible...the greatest of these gifts is love...You have given as He has...

"Love One Another As I Have Loved You"....

The greatest commandment of all...

You have taught us well my sweet Cheryl, You have been and will continue to be the best most gifted teacher ... God has you in His keeping and care...the greatest physician of all...We will trust Him to lead you...

Love you ...always and forever,
Di
xox

Kaz said...

Chezzy was so hoping for better news and praying like crazy but you will do what is right for you.hate to see you in so much pain and more to go thru with what ever treatment you decide.

I will be here for you anytime girlfriend.love you heart and soul.talk later to you when you can.

Love u lots,Kaz.xo

Alli said...

Cheryl It is so easy to try and give you advice. You need to look deep inside yourself and decide what is best for Cheryl all around. You are so brave have gone through so much and now this is one more hurdle.
This damn cancer anyway ..... Love you ..Alli XX

Sue in Italia/In the Land Of Cancer said...

Hi Chez

What awful news!
Is this tumor PR+? If it is, perhaps Megace can be given. It is keeping mets at bay for some of my acquaintances and the side effects are not too bad (possible weight gain.
If your tumor is no longer estrogen positive, AIs will do no good and as you are probably finding out, not pleasant to take. I guess they need to do that biopsy to be sure.
I hope they come up with a plan for you. I am so sorry.

Diana Doyle said...

Sending love and healing energy and hope to you Chez.

You are always there for others so I hope for some good karma back to you. I have you in my thoughts and prayers and you make some tough decisions.

with love
Diana x

Chez said...

Di there are no words in response. I am deeply touched by your generosity of spirit. I am relying on my 'Dream Team' for strength and support and the Lord Jesus to heal me in body mind and spirit. This is the one time that I am prepared to live with the words you have quoted 'God has you in his keeping and care.' I trust Him. Love and friendship special lady xo

Chez said...

Kaz, not over sweetie until the fat lady sings. While there is breath in me there is fight. Know you will keep up the fight with me my sweet friend xo

Chez said...

Alli this seems to have taken the wind out of my sails although I a, sure it is only temporary. Hopefully!
Really think it does come down to the very things I have spoken of to you my friend.
Damn cancer...so right xo

Chez said...

Sue, will check with my doctor regarding being PR positive. Nervous about a biopsy as this is very inflamed and painful now and there is the chance it could make it worse. Lots of prayer and meditation this weekend as I search for answers.So much uncertainty as I am not completely happy to hand over treatment to the medical profession at this stage. This is about my learning to LIVE. Thanks for this information.

Chez said...

Diana my thanks for your kind words. Seems it never rains but it pours.
Hope you are right about the karma. Waiting for some 'good' news.
Love and friendship Chez xo

diane b said...

So sorry to hear the bad news. It certainly is an aggressive beast. I can understand you having the wind blown out of your sails and shedding tears, who wouldn't? I can understand your hesitancy towards a biopsy and more radiation. You seem to have researched your illness well and you know your own body better than anyone. do what you think is best. I sure hope there is some way of halting the evil disease.

Julie Goodale said...

I am so very sorry - wishing you all the strength and peace you need.

Emmy said...

Wipe those tears and know that if I could do something to change this for you I would. The only thing I can offer is my prayer. I am praying hard to hear some good news from you. xo

Chez said...

Diane considering my past experience is a slow growing tumour with recurrence on the scar line, this is quite different. This says it is a secondary from the radiation.
I have not 'given up' although I am against conventional medicine at this time.
Waiting for some indication of where to from here.

Chez said...

Thanks so much Julie.

Chez said...

Thanks Emmy. Prayers are great my sweet. Tears all gone xo