New Territory. Again!

'Life is uncharted territory. It reveals its story one moment at a time.'

- Leo F Buscaglia

Once again we have moved into uncharted territory with swelling of the right arm and upper body. The shortness of breath, and inability to pass urine, became a huge concern. Monday morning of last week when the Community nurse arrived to help with shower and dressing change, she indicated her concern, deciding to make a phone call to the palliative care team once the dressings were firmly in place. I felt relieved, due to my confidence in their ability to assess the situation and their wisdom in making appropriate decisions. Before the Community Nurse departed she used a portable ultrasound to check the bladder confirming it was not the culprit. No problems there it seemed. Back to the drawing board!

The Palliative Care nurse undertook a thorough examination before telephoning the Palliative Care doctor. In the meantime, I received a call from the co-ordinater at the Mater hospital. We discussed the current crisis, she took notes relaying the information to 'Dr Amazing' who indicated he would probably like to see me admitted to the hospital for observation and further assessment. Radiation was mentioned, although given my previous experience, it made me shudder. That was certainly not my preferred choice!

Given that 'Dr Amazing' is away this week, and knowing that I am so reliant on Haydn for personal care, including dressing changes, the Palliative Care doctor decided to try an 8mg injection of Dexmethsone immediately with 4mg tablets taken daily, in the hope it would reduce swelling to the area. The hope is that, with swelling reduced, I will breathe a little easier and feel more comfortable which obviously means passing urine regularly.

It is now one week later and I have been on the steroid [Dexmethsone] for almost a week. There has been some easing of symptoms. This feels like a difficult journey to undertake! It does appear that this dreadful disease which now appears to be a fungating tumour is spreading quickly, and aggressively, across the chest wall, causing swelling of glands and vessels. Not a pleasant sight or thought! My right arm is so swollen it is hard to believe the skin does not burst. The arm and hand are covered in tiny bubbles and we can only wonder what is in store? There are absolutely no clothes in my wardrobe that fit me and leaving the house has become somewhat distressing. This is the most incredible journey. I have discussed with Palliative Care my wish to be given whatever is necessary to ease my pain and ensure my comfort as much as possible.                                                                                      

'We seem to gain wisdom more readily through our failures than through our successes. We always think of failure as the antithesis of success, but it isn't. Success often lies just the other side of failure.'

- Leo F Buscaglia

The Facts and The Conclusions

'It is not a question of God allowing or not allowing things to happen. It is part of living. Some things we do to ourselves, other things we do to each other. Our Father knows about every bird which falls to the ground, but He does not always prevent it from falling. What are we to learn from this? That our response to what happens is more important than what happens. Here is a mystery: one man’s experience drives him to curse God, while another man’s identical experience drives him to bless God. Your response to what happens is more important than what happens.'

–Chip Brogden

A picture tells a thousand words. If you notice the region between the arm and the wound, you will see that it is fluid filled and very inflamed, causing a great deal of pain and discomfort. There is a concern that with little movement of fluid, cellulitis is a potential risk.

I have decided to do a review of test results and findings. This will provide an overview of the disease, and its progression, allowing me to summarise at a later time.

Fact: When Haydn and I retired in July 2008 there were plans to farm, socialise and travel; and not necessarily in that order.

Fact: Although Haydn had owned the land for approximately 20 years, the new house was built with a view to living comfortably in retirement. All of these things take money; we thought we were prepared for all possible outcomes.

Fact: It was only a matter of weeks before I began suffering debilitating pain; pain that had me watching television from the couch throughout the night while walking down the driveway screaming in agony during the day. Pain that prevented me from attending local Tai Chi and yoga classes as a way of exercising and meeting people.

Fact: It April 2009 that I was eventually referred to a Consultant Neurologist who recognised my suffering and requested a MRI. I was prescribed Oxycontin and Lyrica [pregabalin] for the pain.

Conclusion: Appearances consistent with amorphous metastatic infiltration of the right thoracic outlet involving muscles, brachial plexus and vascular encasement with axillary lymphadenopathy.

Fact: Radiotherapy was the only treatment offered. At no time was I told of the potential for secondary cancer as a result of treatment. Due to the severity of my pain, I failed to do my own research. I was told that the recommended dose would minimise the risks and maximise the benefits given that the area could not be re-radiated. I accepted that it was to be done in 'good faith,' therefore I chose to place my trust with the doctor.

This picture was taken well before the end of treatment as Haydn refused to take pictures as my flesh began to burn like a blowfly on a barbecue.

Fact: Approximately 5 days before last scheduled treatment I went in as usual and prepared myself to be 'zapped.' It was then I was told by the lovely Mel to put my clothes on again. She proceeded to hold my hand as she took me with her to the Nurses' Station where she abused them for allowing me to go home the previous day without receiving, what she called 'appropriate' treatment for the burns. More importantly, she asked why my Radiation Oncologist had not been notified of the damage. There were sparks flying. In hindsight, maybe the 'good' doctor could have reviewed the situation.

Conclusion: I think it is obvious. 

Fact: In May 2009 my Radiation Oncologist referred me for a CT of Neck, Chest, Abdomen and Pelvis.

Conclusion: Tumour recurrence at about the level of the surgical site extending through into the root of the neck. Malignant lymph nodes in the right axilla. Oncologist made no recommendations. It now appears this may have been the beginning of the secondary soft tissue cancer, resulting from radiation damage.

Fact: In January 2010 a CT of the Neck and Chest resulted in evidence of a new soft tissue lesion which arrived anterior to the right first costosternal joint. Lesion measures 15 x 17mm.  Commenced Arimidex [Aromatase Inhibitor] At this time the increasing nerve pain in my right arm/hand had effected my ability to function normally in the home. Domestic duties, previously undertaken so easily, had now become difficult. Much of the fun of cooking was gone. I was also thinking seriously about life on the farm. No longer able to drive a motor vehicle due to prescribed medication and disability, I began to feel 'trapped.' It was my blog 'buddies,' Memory-of and Facebook friends that allowed me to have the friendships lacking in real life. Fatigue was an issue as talking on the telephone wore me out. I felt deserted by friends that found the 180km 'round trip' from Newcastle just too far to travel. Once again, we were disadvantaged by the isolation.

Fact: In February 2010 a PET Scan noted several foci of increased FDG uptake within the upper arm/chest, including 3-4 lymph nodes. A large right jugular node was also noted. Increased uptake noted in several nodes throughout the right chest wall.

Conclusion: There are several right upper arm and chest lymph nodes, including a contralateral left tracheobronchial lymph node, which are consistent with malignant disease. The Referring Physician was the same Radiation Oncologist who, at no time, recommended further treatment.

Fact: In April 2010 a Right Arm Venous Doppler showed a chephalic vein thrombosed over a 9cm segment.

Fact: Comparison PET Scan - by now radiation damage from treatment and testing puts me at increased risk.

Conclusion: Comparison with February 2010 PET-CT scan demonstrates significant reduction in intensity of activity in the persisting nodes in the right axilla, right neck and right parasternal Aromatase Inhibitors.

Fact:  In January 2011 'Dr Amazing'  requested a Radionuclide Bone Scan.

Conclusion: No evidence of boney metastases.

Fact: CT Neck, Chest, Abdomen and Pelvis

Conclusion: Increasing size of right supraclavicular lobular masses with associated bone destruction.

Suspicious change in the area of right inferior lung scarring which may reflect further benign change or small mass.

Post surgery right axillary changes mostly due to radiotherapy with also a suspicious nodal metastasis which has not enlarged.

Fact: In May 2011 Neck CT shows previously noted left supra-clavicular adenopathy with a solitary nodule measuring approximately 6mm remains relatively unchanged.
The right medial clavicular mass has enlarged and now measures approximately 4.3cm x 19.5cm in transverse and AP dimensions. Again underlying permeative bone destruction of the medial clavicle and its cortical margin is noted.
CT Chest - same date compare to January study. There is an ill-defined soft tissue stranding in the axilla which was previously noted and is unchanged.  A nodule in the right pectoralis is likely secondary to post radiation effects.

Conclusion: The right supra-clavicular lobular mass with associated bone destruction has increased since the previous scan.

Fact: In June 2011 Dr Amazing requested a PET scan which showed an avid FDG uptake in the right chest wall lesion which now measures 67.6mm height, 53.5mm at greatest width and 20.7mm. There is a periosteal invasion with FDG uptake in the right medial clavicle. Immediately lateral to this lesion there  is a small FDG avid nodule in probably a subpectoral site.   
There are at least three further lesions in the anterior chest wall from the nodule to immediately anterior to the liver.

Conclusion: Today's scan is consistent with FDG avid malignancy in the right chext wall, axilla, superior mediastinum and right axilla. There is no definite evidence for FDG avid disease in the right brachial plexus (light at the end of the tunnel)

Too Much!

'I must learn to love the the fool in me, the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries.'

- Theodore Isaac Rubin

I have had second thoughts since my last Post. As a result, the decision has been made to simply thank you for your Comments and to let you know that I am very grateful to you for the feedback, both on the blog and by private email. I will not respond individually for fear of further implicating myself. There is a history attached to the story; I know things will not change. For me, it is undesirable! I do have a plan and will go about taking steps to implement it.

Today I had a phone call from my Tai Chi teacher. Attending classes in the village has been an interesting experience. I began yoga and Tai Chi when we moved permanently to the farm. I had expectations of meeting the locals and forming friendships. Three years of classes and yet my absence appeared to have gone unnoticed in spite of the fact that my circumstances were known. Until Vickie, teacher, phoned recently, there had been no word from anyone. She asked about making the trip from Dungog to Gresford to meet me for coffee. I suggested the farm was a good spot as Haydn has now mastered the coffee maker and cappuccinos are on the menu. Cappuccinos were my poison of choice after Jeremy's accident! They were the very things that kept me alive at the time. They have now been recognised as my downfall, contributing to my current health crisis.

It was interesting to learn from Vickie that she felt the room 'lit up' on my arrival. I asked her if that could somehow be responsible for the the ladies of Gresford making no effort to be friendly.

Now! That is another post.

'Do not give too much to feelings. An overly sensitive heart is an unhappy possession on this earth'

- Johan Wolfgang von Goeth

Feeling Let Down and Disappointed

'Some people think it's holding on that makes one strong - sometimes it's letting go.'

- Author Unknown

Although I attempt to keep personal details of my relationship with Haydn private, I am in desperate need of counsel. You, my 'Blog Buddies are 'it!'

Sunday at the farm is our morning to 'sleep in' and listen to the radio although, as retirees, we are able to do pretty much as we like. We had made plans to breakfast at the local B & B, which meant there was no rush. At 7.20am we were disturbed by a phone call from K, a friend and neighbour of Haydns [he had previously made it clear she was his friend.] I was not told exactly what K said; Haydn mumbled something to her along the lines of 'maybe' having something to do. He told K he would ring her back. When he spoke to me he said that D [K's partner] would need to go back to hospital. Haydn knew that D was supported by a fully trained nurse; both K and D are nurses. A friend, up from Sydney for the weekend was there to help. Haydn had given K a hand to muster her cattle on Saturday as she needed to get them ready to be trucked.

There has been an ongoing problem in my relationship with Haydn since he befriended K and D. On Sunday, his language made it clear that he felt some kind of obligation to help K. I suggested he just go ahead as our outing was spoiled anyway. He has always chosen to act defensively when K is involved. Is it my problem that I feel I play 'second fiddle' when K is involved? I reminded him of a previous occasion when there was an incident and I made it clear to him that it may come to making a choice between the two of us. I was frightened by his reaction on Sunday; I know he has a temper, while I am a pacifist. While I remained cool,  he swore at me, telling me that I had 'pushed' him too far. There was slamming of something in the laundry, although I could not tell what was happening as I simply went about organising my medications with my back to him. I think it was a quote from Shakespeare that went something along the lines of - 'methinks he doth protest too much.'

I was bewildered! It seemed like a simple matter to explain to K that we had made plans for breakfast. It was self-explanatory! Maybe I am a simpleton! To be kind to me he may even have been able to apologise on behalf of K for the early morning phone call. Instead of that he was determined to help her no matter what cost.

The situation reminded me of why I felt the need to see a therapist. Has the isolation of life at the farm, along with being in a relationship that appears to be lacking in love, finally caused me to drop my bundle? Unfortunately, D has had several operations since February when her kidney was removed. The past being the best predictor of the future leaves me thinking that, with my own deteriorating condition, I may well find myself alone at the farm, while Haydn tends to K and D. I intend to avoid that at all costs! 



'The purpose of life, after all, is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experiences.'

Eleanor Roosevelt

Who am I?

'Words of comfort, skillfully administered, are the oldest therapy known to man'

- Louis Nizer

It's official! I'm in therapy!

My appointment with Cath [Psycho Oncologist] went well on Wednesday. Why is it that after chatting for an hour, covering topics that I consider to be very beneficial, I do not remember the ground covered? I went in expecting to talk about my feelings of anger, mainly towards a particular member of hospital staff, and I left not having mentioned it even once.

Cath very quickly picked up that with so much happening to me at this time, I am in a position where it feels like I can't be myself. My identity is connected with my activities of the past; the very things that I have lost! It often seems to me that I am worthless; a feeling that does not sit comfortably!

'Human identity is the most fragile thing that we have, and it's often only found in moments of truth.'

-Alan Rudolph 

Not once did I heard her use traditional text book 'stuff.' We actually held dialogue. I was surprised when she referred to me as having Post Traumatic Stress. There was a brief explanation as to how it occurs with each new crisis increasing existing stress. I jokingly told her it was not a good idea to put a label on me as I just may want to live up to it

.

As the session drew to a close, Cath said she wanted to see me next week. It's important! I have homework. Love being in therapy; it brings with it a sense of peace!

I often wonder if I am the only one that has unanswered questions. Do you feel that you need help as your journey progresses?

To Chemo or Not to Chemo

'Most cancer patients in this country die of chemotherapy.  Chemotherapy does not eliminate breast, colon or lung cancers. This fact has been documented for over a decade. Yet doctors still use chemotherapy for these tumours…Women with breast cancer are likely to die faster with chemo than without it.' -
Alan Levin, M.D

Arrived in time for my appointment with Dr Amazing determined to listen; I simply wanted to hear what he had to say in response to my own research.

Firstly, he went through the information regarding HYPERBARIC OXYGEN THERAPY and I was disappointed to be told that I am not a potential candidate due to active cancer cells in what is now being called a fungating tumour. Dr Andre did make it clear that if it was purely Radiation Necrosis the Oxygen Therapy would be useful. He handed me the information and explained that the physicians at the hospital would be more than happy to discuss my case with me personally. So, NO Nanoknife Surgery, NO Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy.

We then went to the use of chemotherapy. Dr Andre asked me why it is that when I am in his rooms I say 'Yes, Yes, Yes,' only to ring two days later and say 'No, No, No.' I laughingly said that is what happens when I am away from his influence. When Dr Andre asked the nurse to take a photograph of my lesion, Haydn asked her to take one of Dr Andre for me to take home. That way, I could look at it when I felt myself waivering..haha.

We asked if chemotherapy would work on my type of cancer. The answer was 'I don't know.' When I suggested to Doctor that this was 'my' body growing this 'monster' so it had to be my underlying body chemistry that needed to be changed, he agree. Just how we do that he does not know. Seems to me that chemotherapy could be nothing more than a 'Band Aid' fix in my case!

I explained my thoughts on being 'locked in' to waiting rooms and hospital visits at this stage of my life. Immediately, and I mean immediately, he suggested oral as a way of avoiding that situation. Once again, I left the hospital agreeing to let him know as quickly as possible of my decision.

'To be complete, a healing system must be able to cover the entire field of human experiences-physically, mentally, and spiritually.
Any system which denies any part of this trinity fails in its attempt to heal to the same extent to which it denies any part or parts.'
-Stanley  Burroughs

Is My Heart is Elsewhere?

'Impossible situations can become possible miracles.'

 – Robert H. Schuller

Not looking too bad at the end of May

Not looking too good at the end of July

Both Haydn and I feel incredibly sad as we observe my body, and its ability to grow this disgusting, fungating, odorous mass. It is difficult not to be affected by the sight and odour as it is right under my nose. 

My right arm is now akin to a lump of lead hanging loosely by my side. I have to practically stand on my head to dress the top half of my body; makes dressing interesting, and slow. Thank goodness for pull up stretch jeans.

On Friday we had a 2 hour wait to be seen by the Radiation Oncologist. It was a non event!. As usual, he had little more to say than Mmm, Mmm.. I pray that he will learn from this experience. The waiting room was filled with patients, many appearing to be dreadfully ill and yet living in hope that their treatment will give them another opportunity to live their life to the full.

Next stop was to spend time with the most amazing, compassionate Wound Care Nurse who managed to have me laughing, and crying at the same time. She explained how radiation either allows, or causes this to happen. She also said that she sees it far too often. Having given me lots of information, along with dressings to try, she applied a lovely Mepilex Lite, soft Silicone dressing which she said would last for several days.

We arrived home, dressing intact, and yet I could feel the itchiness of the skin below. After some time, unable to stand the discomfort any more, I went to the mirror and removed the dressing. The sight of the wound disgusted me; having had it covered for some time it was repulsive! I simply sobbed uncontrollably.

Although my state of mind was not good I choose that particular time to check the cost of the dressings.Tess had recommended a wholesale site. One of her favourites, a silver Silicone costs $285 for 5 dressings. Oh boy! Will this ever end? Over the years, the costs associated with cancer, and its treatment, have been astronomical.

Tomorrow I have an appointment with 'Dr Amazing' who will give me information on the potential risks and benefits of chemotherapy. Everything in me says the risks begin with the insertion of the port given the breakdown in my skin's integrity. As my body continues to fight this 'monster' it leaves little in the way of nutrients to keep me strong and healthy.

I still believe there is a way to 'beat' this disease. It is up to me to find 'it.'

Once again, I reflect on the isolation of life at the farm. Although I do have financial security, and a very loyal 'best friend' who loves me and cares for me, I am wondering if it is sufficient. Two of my children live in the state of Victoria. My youngest son was born and died in the same state. I intend to use the Funeral Company that employs my eldest son. Apparently I am entitled to a 'good deal' with huge discounts. It all makes sense! Is that my heart whispering to me that it is time to come home? 

'Let your heart be your compass, your
mind your map, your soul your guide...
and you will never get lost'
-Unknown.

'Change Starts When Someone sees the Next Step' - William Drayton

'Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become.'

- Author Unknown

Thursday morning arrived; we were up early in readiness for our departure to attend my 8am appointment with the Physiotherapist at the Mater Hospital. Leaving the farm before 7am left me sufficient time to pop my head into the radiotherapy waiting room. I wanted to check if my Sister and Brother-in-Law were there. B-I-L Brian is currently undergoing radiation, following hormone treatment for prostate cancer. Unfortunately, our paths did not cross on that day.

I headed upstairs and waited in anticipation of Judith's arrival. Her face broke into a smile when she recognised me. Interestingly, my file was not available, due to my appointment with 'Dr Amazing' as Emmy now has me referring to him. Shortly, there was a knock at the door heralding the arrival of my file. I was impressed! The Mater is a huge facility. It is very easy for things to go missing, which was the case with my scans recently. They did not reappear for months.

Judith noted that it was 14 months since my last appointment.  I was happy to give the explanation that her instructions were always clear, allowing me every opportunity to undertake practise on my own. With a home based programme, along with regular Tai Chi and Yoga classes, I have been successful in my efforts to keep the swelling under control. It is only when changes occur that I get myself into trouble. This appeared to be one of those occasions.

It was a surprise, and somewhat of a relief, to hear her say the lower arm was surprisingly soft on examination. A good starting place!  We have learned from experience that manual lymphatic drainage is not necessarily a good thing for me owing to a case of cellulitis following treatment with another therapist. During the examination, she was able to check areas that would be effected by spread to the brachial plexus. She did speak to me as she worked, noting both good and not so good points.

I let her know that Dr Andre wanted her to call him at the end of our consult. The hour went quickly. I felt comfortable to question her on her findings, asking her about her 'report' to 'Dr Amazing.' She did say that in spite of the 'positives' she was concerned about many issues.

At lunchtime on Friday, Haydn and I had gone downstairs to our vehicle when we heard the telephone ringing upstairs. There was no way we could make it back up in time to answer it so we made the decision to let it go to Message Bank. It was then the Cell Phone began to ring however, it was in a bag on the rear seat. Oh well! Time to attend to those calls on our return. That was not to be! The upstairs phone rang again; Haydn went bounding up the stairs three at a time. He called loudly to inform me that it was the Mater Hospital advising me of an appointment had been made for a PET Scan. As I headed upstairs the Cell Phone started again. This was getting to be ridiculous! This time, breathing heavily, I answered it to hear the voice of 'Dr Amazing.' He too was ringing to let me know about my upcoming PET Scan. My mind was ticking over. This sounds like 'serious' stuff.

It's Official! I've Been Classed as 'Unique'

'Our inner strengths, experiences and truths cannot be lost, destroyed or taken-away. Every person has an inborn worth and can contribute to the human community. We all can treat one another with dignity and respect, provide opportunities to grow toward our fullest lives and help one another discover and develop our unique gifts. We each deserve this and we all can extend it to others'

- Author Unknown

In spite of my best intentions, I still seem to be conspicuous by my absence from these pages. Some of you are aware that I agreed to a huge challenge by staying at the farm alone for 4 days while Haydn went to town to 'babysit'  his grandchildren allowing his Daughter and Son-in-Law to travel to Fiji. In his absence it rained, and it rained and it rained. I did not even attempt to drive to the mail box after the first day. Four inches of rain in 48 hours left the ground sodden and water logged.

On the Friday morning I received a phone call from the hospital giving me the news that I was scheduled to begin chemo on Friday 24th at 2.30pm. It came as a complete shock!  I had an appointment with my 'amazing' oncologist yesterday. It was Wednesday 22nd and there were questions to be asked. Concerns and fears causing me angst. On Monday I phoned the Physical Therapies Department of the hospital and was excited to be given a one hour appointment with Judith for Lymphatic Drainage on Thursday morning at 8am. I was thinking it could be the swelling that was preventing me from raising my arm. If only!

During the consultation with Dr Andre, I mentioned the sudden onset of the loss of the use of my right arm. Dr Andre looked up, put his pen down, and began to carry out tests on the arm.  His apprehension was immediately obvious. I waited patiently for him to complete his assessment before  commenting. He then said that we would possibly have to change our plans. Having ticked several of the boxes that were a concern to me on the Liposomal Doxorubicin Chemotherapy Patient Information Sheet, he noted that they were all skin related. He listened as I told him about my severe allergic reactions to minor things like ant bites. When he learned that I had not had any chemo education, he suggested that I was unprepared. The chemo would need to be postponed for the present.

It was then he 'hit' me with the 'biggie,' which was simply the possibility that the cancer may already have spread to the brachial plexus again. That would be the most likely explanation for the loss of the use of my right arm. Maybe it has nothing whatsoever to do with lymphoedema?

Knowing that he had just travelled to the United States and Canada for an Oncology Conference, I asked him if he had any experience to call on with cancer taking this form. He smiled his beautiful smile and replied 'You're Unique.' It's Official!

'As we grow as unique persons, we learn to respect the uniqueness of others.'

- Robert H Schuller

He asked me to have the physiotherapist call him after she had completed her assessment and therapy. He also said that as I had not had any chemotherapy previously, there were several other drugs that could be used. He would leave the Patient Information Sheets at the desk for me to pick up after my appointment with the Physiotherapist. It was then he said that, depending on the findings of the physical therapy session, he may need to do a PET Scan to determine exactly what is happening with this 'monster.' I will begin working on the next post, with some results, first thing in the morning. Thanks for reading♥

Farm Life

'If something comes to life in others because of you,
then you have made an approach to immortality.'

-Norman Cousins (1912-1990)



'My heart leaps up when I behold a rainbow in the sky.'
-William Wordsworth (1770-1850)







'God gives every bird its food, but He does not throw it into its nest.'
J.G. Holland

‘Be as a bird perched on a frail branch that she feels bending beneath her, still she sings away all the time, knowing she has wings.’

– Victor Hugo

'Hold fast to dreams for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly.'
Langston Hughes

‘The living self has one purpose only: to come into its own fullness of being, as a tree comes into full blossom, or a bird into spring beauty, or a tiger into lustre.’

- D H Lawrence

Managed to get a glimpse of this goanna as it scurried across the paddock

It is hard to believe how quickly these creatures move for their size



This beautiful Tawny Frogmouth Owl recently appeared on the railing of the Al Fresco area as the barbeque was cooking



'The wailing owl screams solitary to the mournful moon.'
-David Mallet

Determined to try to keep things 'light' this week, I have simply taken some pictures from the 'Farm' file adding quotes that I like.

Tomorrow I have another CT Scan to determine if there is any spread to the pelvis and the abdomen followed by an appointment with my oncologist Thursday to get the results.

It is my intention to ask very direct questions with the expectation of complete honesty. It is important for me to know exactly what I am facing.

Paul Comes Good

"You cannot poison your body into health with drugs, chemo or radiation. 'Health' can only be achieved with healthful living."  -T.C. Fry

Yesterday, while visiting my General Practitioner, I found yet another reason to hold him in high regard. He took the time to explain the likely outcome of my soft tissue lesion. Having previously been told by the surgeon that, in his opinion, surgery could do more harm than good, I have been at a loss to know in which direction to turn. Dr Sales likened my tumour to the body of an optopus. Should that body be removed,  it would still leave arms (tentacles) intact. The surgery could leave a gaping wound that may not heal, as well as active cancer in the many area of the tentacles. With disruption to the blood and lymphatic system, and without efficient circulation of both, skin function would be severely impaired resulting in congestion and build up of waste material in the tissue, ultimately causing tissue death. The end result is a fungating wound not able to heal. Apparently they are very confronting, as well as being extremely smelly and uncomfortable. Definitely something to be avoided!

I mentioned to Dr Sales how much I appreciated the fact that he had taken me on as his patient when my own doctor, of long standing, had given up on me. We made a pact (kind of) that he would continue to seek answers as for as long as it takes. It is a very special human being that takes on a new patient with a chronic disease when his books have been closed for years.  I am also Bulk Billed, meaning that he makes practically no money from me.

Tonight I am also pleased to be able to say that I have now had a phone call from Paul, my Biochemist friend. Without saying more than is necessary, I feel it is critical to point out that Paul is no longer able to practise in his chosen field. He was written up nationally as being a 'cancer con man' in 2005 and, after a lengthy court battle, he lost all rights to practise as well as all computer records. I remained loyal to him as I felt his past had nothing to do with my present, and treatment. He has always said he is very grateful to me and will do whatever he can to be of assistance.

When he called me today he explained that people do not always get back to him when they say they will, plus the fact that he is dealing with different time zones. He assured me that he will always come good, however, it may not be in 'my' time. Thanks Paul. I was also interested to learn that many people still hear of him by word of mouth and he spends quite a lot of time seeking appropriate treatment for those in need. Not bad for someone that is a 'con man' and who does not receive any payment for the work he does in spite of being in an unfortunate financial position.

He apparently has a 'consensus' and has come up with a 'plan of action' for me. I will have to order some Chelated Potassium online bit will be able to purchase the other product recommended at my local Health Food store.

I remain optimistic that, with appropriate treatment, we will be able to prevent this lesion breaking through the skin's surface where it could do a lot of damage.

Your Heavenly Body

'The most beautiful system [The Universe] could only proceed from the dominion of an intelligent and powerful Being' - Isaac Newton

Ever wonder what your heavenly body will be like? The Bible gives us three answers to the questions. 'How are the dead raised? With what kind of body will they come?' First, it speaks of anatomy:'...Men have one kind of flesh, animals have another, birds another, fish another.' (1 Corinthians 15:35 NIV)

Just as fish are designed to handle the pressures of the ocean and birds are designed to fly, your heavenly body will be custom-made for eternity. (Imagine travelling not merely at the speed of light, but the speed of thought!) Next it speaks of astronomy: The sun has one kind of splendour, the moon another and the stars another; star differs from star in splendour. So will it be with the resurrection of the dead...' (1 Corinthians 15:41 NIV) There will be degrees of honour and differences of reward when we get to Heaven. Your service now  is what determines your status then 'God' will give to each person according to what he has done.' (Romans 2:6 NIV) Finally, it speaks of agriculture....'it is sown in weakness, it is raised in power.' (1Corinthians 15:43 NIV) It's said the old Saxon word for cemetery means 'God's acre.' How wonderful; Christians don't get buried, they get planted!

There's a Bulletin Board in the Mayo Clinic which reads:
'Cancer is limited: it cannot cripple love, it cannot shatter hope, it cannot erode faith, it cannot eat away peace, it cannot destroy confidence, it cannot kill friendship, it cannot shut out memories, it cannot silence courage, it cannot invade the soul, it cannot reduce eternal life, it cannot quench the spirit and it cannot lesson the power of the resurrection.

This information, given to me by a friend, was taken from: http://www.thewordfortoday.com.au/