I Think I Can

'What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us; what we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal.'

- Albert Pike

How could you not love a doctor that opens a consultation with 'I've missed you; where have you been?' I was surprised! I was back in my 'comfort zone' with 'Dr Amazing.' When leaving his rooms last time, I understood he wanted to see me three weeks after commencing chemotherapy, so there was no need to take up his valuable time after saying 'no' to chemo.

He was happy to discuss the disease progression, listening intently when I expressed my thoughts. I asked him if he had seen anything like this previously and was surprised to learn that, although he had not seen it in Australia, it was not uncommon in African women. I mentioned different conversations that I had with health care professionals, and the possibility of this being radiation damage. Given that this is local chest wall recurrence it appears to respond differently to treatment. When I mentioned the possibility of cancer cells not being killed by radiation, then travelling along the vessels until they reach a point that has been damaged by radiation, or may even have glands infiltrated by cancer, it stops dead in its tracks. With nowhere to go it then breaks through the skin that has been 'zapped' and weakened. 'Dr Amazing' immediately said that he would be doing his own research. He was going to head into the Radiation Department to begin asking questions. Maybe some good can come from this! I like his style!

'Dr Amazing' checked and photographed the wound, expressing his concern at how aggressive it has become. He asked about the degree of pain and it was obvious that he really cared; he wanted to do everything possible to alleviate some of the pain and suffering. He even commented that my face was beginning to look ashen from the pain. He once again discussed the potential benefits of chemotherapy simply to manage symptoms. I could almost be sold on the idea! I was surprised when he mentioned using me as a Case Study. Strangely, I found myself warming to the idea. Dr Andre feels that not having had chemotherapy previously could increase the benefits. He comes across as being such a caring, compassionate man, genuinely interested in helping his patients, that it is almost impossible not to want to help him.

I remember that being with Jeremy gave me a sense of being the person I most enjoyed being. I truly felt that it was a special bond we shared; something reserved for just the two of us. It was not until I travelled to Victoria to bury my son that I realised his 'special' charm was part of who he was. Everyone that had the privilege of spending time with him felt exactly the same. You truly believed you were the most important person in his life. It gave me such a kick to realise he had that effect on all who knew and loved him. 'Dr Amazing' is exactly the same! As I sit in his consulting rooms, I truly believe  I am his number one patient and yet I know in my heart that as soon as the next patient walks in, they will feel exactly the same. Oh what a blessing!

Given that he is prepared to research the effects of radiation on localised breast cancer recurrence and that he is interested enough to make me a 'Case Study' does put a different slant on things. Knowing that Jeremy always said he wanted me to do less for him and more for myself in order to overcome this wretched disease has me thinking. As I have continued to struggle to do do this for myself, I think it is time to do this differently. Feeling truly blessed to have 'Dr Amazing' as my oncologist it is time to consider chemotherapy treatment for him, in the hope that others may benefit from my experience. I know that he would like to be better equipped to stop such cancers dead in their tracks. Together, we just may be able to make a difference!

Tomorrow when I go for lymphatic drainage on this swollen painful limb, I will call into the pathology department for the preparatory blood tests, followed by a visit to the pharmacy to collect the prescription for the Xeloda. One small step for....