Psycho Oncology Appointment

'Wisdom is to finish the moment, to find the journey's end in every step of the road, to live the greatest number of good hours.'

-Ralph  Waldo Emerson

Recently I met with my Breast Cancer Support Group [Group 33] for lunch. It had been several months since I had joined my friends at the monthly lunches. They found it necessary to summon me! These women are very good at giving me a 'reality check' and deemed it necessary.  It was good to get together! I felt the love; surrounded by people who care, making it good for my soul. It was the perfect opportunity for them to observe my lesion, as well as notice the changes in my manual dexterity. They were shocked!

Vickie, being the outspoken member of the group, with experience in both nursing and palliative care, decided that I needed help. Time for me to see a counsellor! She mentioned the name of a psychologist; fortunately it was one that I had seen previously when she was attached to the chemotherapy and radiotherapy departments at the hospital. A time was set for Wednesday 20 July.

There was much laughter during the 2 hour session; in fact it was freeing. Cath established very quickly that she felt I had a form of Post Traumatic Stress, explaining that it is quite normal, even to be expected, with each new crisis building on pre-existing conditions. I laughingly accused her of putting a label on me!  I felt a tremendous benefit in talking to a counsellor who, although she does not have cancer herself, works daily with patients who do, hence the name 'Psyco Oncology.'

To be perfectly honest, I have no idea what we discussed during our session except that Cath indicated she felt it would be good to have a further session focusing on my feelings in regard to the hospital and possibly radiation damage.  It seems to me that with so many positives coming out of my appointments with my Health Care Professionals at the hospital, it is a shame to allow my feeling towards one young, inexperienced doctor, get in the way of all the good. It is possible that education and youth are no match for experience and wisdom. In my case following the text books has meant ignoring the fact that we are all individuals and there is no 'one size fits all' approach. My understanding is that this will change. It will probably not be in my lifetime, however, things are changing. There are approximately 60% of patients that will benefit from the tried and true research,  leaving a high percentage of the population that need to be treated as individuals. I think I know which group I come into! Hmmm...



Frustrations and Life on the Farm

'Consult not your fears but your hopes and dreams. Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in, but with what is still possible for you to do.' Pope John XXlll

Knowing that 1 January 2011 brings with it an opportunity for change, I cannot help but reflect on life as it is today. It seems only natural to  recognise that unaddressed anger is a real possibly. It is one feeling that I have always had difficulty with. As I endeavour to write from a positive perspective in order to lift myself and inspire others, I know it is time to be honest with myself.  I am sure that deep seated anger does, in some way, contribute to my breast cancer!

As my struggle with peripheral neuropathy in the lower extremities increases, and the degree of pain, including nerve and muscle damage, develops in my right hand, I have become increasingly frustrated with my inability to manage daily household chores. The isolation of rural living, medication and chronic pain all contribute to depression which, in turn, leads to lack of motivation. I now acknowledge that Femara is instrumental in causing the fatigue that makes life almost unbearable at times. I sometimes omit to take it and within 24 hours my sleep requirements become somewhat normal.

The garden has become overgrown; pests are becoming a problem. Mealy bug, borers and scale are currently causing serious damage. Haydn is a great one for spraying Round Up to control the native couch. Fortunately, we have now learned that glysophate locks up trace elements and we have been able to add it, along with organic matter, to improve the soil. Haydn loves the tractor and works tirelessly on pasture improvement but is not interested in maintaining our shrubs. As a result, they are becoming overgrown. The bush garden in memory of Jeremy has never been finished.

I am wondering if the time will come that I am once again able to drive myself? If not, then it seems fair to say that life at the farm will be unbearable. It has become very difficult for me to think positively and act accordingly as one day stretches into another.

Rather than focus on lack of/problems I intend to see the New Year as a way of making changes to improve my quality of life.

Have I recogised my Frustrations and how do I act on overcoming them?

What are my Hopes and my Dreams?

How do I go about reaching my Potential?