'Consult not your fears but your hopes and dreams. Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in, but with what is still possible for you to do.' Pope John XXlll
Knowing that 1 January 2011 brings with it an opportunity for change, I cannot help but reflect on life as it is today. It seems only natural to recognise that unaddressed anger is a real possibly. It is one feeling that I have always had difficulty with. As I endeavour to write from a positive perspective in order to lift myself and inspire others, I know it is time to be honest with myself. I am sure that deep seated anger does, in some way, contribute to my breast cancer!
As my struggle with peripheral neuropathy in the lower extremities increases, and the degree of pain, including nerve and muscle damage, develops in my right hand, I have become increasingly frustrated with my inability to manage daily household chores. The isolation of rural living, medication and chronic pain all contribute to depression which, in turn, leads to lack of motivation. I now acknowledge that Femara is instrumental in causing the fatigue that makes life almost unbearable at times. I sometimes omit to take it and within 24 hours my sleep requirements become somewhat normal.
The garden has become overgrown; pests are becoming a problem. Mealy bug, borers and scale are currently causing serious damage. Haydn is a great one for spraying Round Up to control the native couch. Fortunately, we have now learned that glysophate locks up trace elements and we have been able to add it, along with organic matter, to improve the soil. Haydn loves the tractor and works tirelessly on pasture improvement but is not interested in maintaining our shrubs. As a result, they are becoming overgrown. The bush garden in memory of Jeremy has never been finished.
I am wondering if the time will come that I am once again able to drive myself? If not, then it seems fair to say that life at the farm will be unbearable. It has become very difficult for me to think positively and act accordingly as one day stretches into another.
Rather than focus on lack of/problems I intend to see the New Year as a way of making changes to improve my quality of life.
Have I recogised my Frustrations and how do I act on overcoming them?
What are my Hopes and my Dreams?
How do I go about reaching my Potential?