Sunday, January 9, 2011

The Christmas Gift that is not 'Mine' to Keep

Oops! After many attempts I am 'over' trying to get this picture rotated for easy reading. I did my best, however the 'system' beat me followed, closely by my inexperience.

For some time prior to Christmas my stepdaughter Claire had asked me for my 'favourite' quote. She appeared to be very excited! The reason behind the request was apparently very 'hush, hush.'

I was slightly perplexed, not having an 'all time' favourite in the 'general' category. Still she was reluctant to explain the reason behind her requisition.

She visited us at the farm prior to Christmas which gave us the opportunity for a 'deep and meaningful' conversation. I expressed my love for her, along with my concerns regarding several aspects of her life. I must be honest with you; I was brutally frank in explaining that I am doing everything I can to stay alive and it bothers me to watch her destroying herself with, what I see, as an eating disorder. Claire assured me that she does not have a 'problem.' In fact, she simply 'forgets' to eat. Avoiding friends who choose to comment on her weight is also not a good idea. As nothing works in isolation we all need friends, they are to be valued and appreciated. I did not hesitate to remind her of this.

I even suggested to her that there is not a family member to take on the role of 'mentoring' after my death. It would give me peace of mind to know that she is making appropriate changes.

Coincidentally, I then found the following which I felt was 'perfect' for Claire. I decided to paste it on her Facebook wall as a way of affirming my words to her:
'I love you, and because I love you,
I would sooner have you hate me for telling you the truth
than love me for telling you lies'
From Chez

I certainly did not post it because it was 'MY' favourite quote!

There was great fanfare on Christmas Day when Claire gathered the family to make her presentation to me. She spoke of the 14 plus years that I have been her Stepmother; she was 12 at the time of her Mother's passing.

She lifted her T Shirt to uncover the tattoo; her Christmas gift to me  for 2010.

How do I feel about the gift? I really don't know! I believe it is her right to make decisions regarding her own body. Will she regret it later? Only time will tell. Deep down, I do admit to feeling deeply touched.

'Better a serpent than a stepmother' - Euripides


Chez said...

Help please!!
If you are reading this post and can tell me why it is 'boxed' I would really appreciate your help on how to remove it. This is the second time it has happened. Where am I going wrong?
Many thanks Chez

Kaz said...

Chez wasn't expecting Claire to do this with a quote from you,do u wish u had pick a quote now?? I hope she listen to you as eating disorder is bad as we have talked.

Yes Chez still a box here.xo

rama said...

She must love you so much and also respect you. She is at the age when she won't really understand the value of health, but soon I am sure she will change and make you feel proud of her in every way.
That is really very sweet of her to present you with this gift: a gift which blesses the giver and the receiver too, a real win win situation.

stonepost said...

Chez, wow, it is a great quote and aren't you thankful it wasn't longer! and, wow, what a statement of love! I am glad she didn't cut a finger off! About her diet: could you intise her into cooking?
maybe initionally just to help you? The process is artful, an opportunity to explore conversations, and there are about a million spices! No lectures on nutrition, just cook, enjoy and eat. Did you read my "Pep Talk"? I wrote it for you.

Anonymous said...

Chez, that is such a beautiful story! Claire clearly loves you very much if she was willing to be inked with words that express who you are! I am not sure how I feel about tatoo's, but I know that I would feel very honored if someone were to pay tribute to me in that way. Much love to you, dear Chez.

Starry said...

Perhaps to some this would seem a strange thing to tattoo, but I see hope that Claire is accepting of your generous bravery in advising her to the best of your ability. To be a stepmother, or a stepdaughter is no easy feat.

Chez said...

Kaz the tattoo was the last thing I expected. I certainly did not see it coming my friend.
God's blessings sweetie xo

Chez said...

Rama than you for your welcome, and encouraging comment. I was feeling a little unsure about the whole thing so your comments are most welcome. This is a way of allowing me to view the situation differently. I like that you have pointed out that it is a gift that blesses both giver and receiver.
Love and gratitude xo

Chez said...

StonePost I am learning from both this comment and your 'Pep Talk.'
I really enjoy the male perspective!
When she lived under our roof, I had her cook in readiness for the day that she would be out there taking care of herself. I have mentioned to her that I feel I have failed. Unfortunately, she then turns it around to say she is a failure. She beats me every time with words as she has a degree in Social Work and is able to quote huge chunks of the text books.
I think she has about 6 tattoos now and I would like to see it stop. She is very petite and I often wonder if this is just another way of being 'noticed?'
She wants to become involved in the music industry which could be behind this.
I do love her!
Take care Jerry. I did send a quick response to you tonight and I appreciate having you on fb

Chez said...

Audrey, I am so very grateful for the positive reinforcement. It has been good for me! I know that she loves me and possibly this is her way of expressing it. In the past, she would simply put words to music in my honour.
She does have a picture of her Mother on her forearm, and it is because of that she decided she wished to carry a reminder of me also.
Much love Audrey my friend. You have come to mean a great deal to me through our blogs. Chez xo

Chez said...

Starry, I know you are right my friend. Her path has not been easy either. I often wonder what affect my illness has on her life.
My beautiful birthday card arrived today. It is lovely, and very much appreciated.
Love from me to you Chez xo

Maundering mutterer said...

I have mixed feelings about tattooing, but if she's to take something with her through life, then this is a positive thought to take along and a good thing to remember always.

nancyspoint said...

Chez, This is another example of the impact you do indeed have on the lives of others. You under estimate your influence, my friend. As for the box issue, I don't have any answers for you there. Why are answers for anything always so hard to come by anyway??

Chez said...

Thank you MM. I would have preferred she found 'another' way to show her appreciation. Must be honest though and say I would not have done it especially on the ribs. Ouch!!

Chez said...

Nancy, that is taken as a compliment which is indeed very much appreciated. I do know Claire was very 'anti' when Haydn and I married. She later said - as an 18 year old - that she was very glad that it was me her Dad married. We do have a strong bond and I am very grateful for that.
Nancy, seems there is so much to learn with these computer programmes.
In my thoughts xo

J Bar said...

What a commitment.
Sydney - City and Suburbs

Chez said...

J Barr one that I am still unsure of. Thanks for your feedback.