What does it Mean?

'Half of what I say is meaningless; but I say it so that the other half may reach you.'

- Kahlil Gibran

Somehow I cannot help but feel that darkness has surrounded me for longer than I would like. I have taken a step forward in search of the love, light and laughter that was once my very being. This will be a brief post; to keep Indigo Dreaming alive.

Tomorrow I see my doctor and will be asking him about my test results. I do not wish to feel overly excited, however, I look forward in anticipation to the possibility that he may be able to make a phone call on my behalf. It would be wonderful to learn the outcome of the tests prior to 24 February.

It seems I have not become totally absorbed with my own problems; I am in receipt of an email that has humbled me. I consider the outcome a Gift from God. Shortly after Jeremy's accident I was fortunate to learn of Memorial web sites. I felt that setting one up would give me an interest and also provide the perfect opportunity to keep my son's memory alive. While looking at other sites I realised graphics were being done to enhance the sites; I had no idea how to go about making them! I became aware that as my photos were not digital, I had to work out how to scan them to give me images to work with. It is amazing to see just what can be achieved by a very determined Mother mourning the loss of a much loved child. Jezz would be proud of me!It all seems so long ago! I became involved with a group called Angel Families Online where I formed the most amazing friendships and received all the help I needed. In the process, I learned to do simple graphics while finding others who willingly gave up their time to assist me. The result can be seen here:

http://jeremy-radford.memory-of.com/About.aspx

Many Memory-of friends are also FaceBook friends. I feel sure the writer of the following email will not mind that I have chosen to share it with you. She writes, (in part only:)



 'I always went to your son's page because he was a so special. God sent him to you and he was your 'miracle' baby. I have seen the pics of the whole breast procedure on fb and it brought tears to my eyes.  I have a mass on my left breast. I ignored going to specialist until seeing this. You have taught me a lesson.'

I have chosen to share just a small portion of this email, rather than keep it private. It is my intention for readers to seek counsel thus providing a plan of action and appropriate treatment. It is important to understand that early intervention usually provides better outcomes. 'There is nothing to fear but fear itself.'

P.S. My doctor proved himself to be worth his weight in gold today. A quick phone call and my results were on his computer screen ready for viewing. My bone scan does not show any bony metastases which is good news for me.  CT Scan not as clear. There appears to be a 6mm node with poorly defined margins in the right neck. There is also an enlarging nodule in the right pectoralis now measuring 18mm. There is also a rounded 12mm nodule at the medial edge of the scar which has changed. Suspicious change in the area of the right inferior lung which may reflect further benign change or small new mass. Whew!!!!!

So my dear friends, having decided that my doctor's room will, in future, be used as a crying room I can start anytime. This is not necessarily news I wanted to hear, however, it is not something I will unduly concern myself with until I have the opportunity to discuss my condition with my oncologist. At the end of the day, I am still waiting for my appointment on 24 February. And. I did survive January 2011!

My love and gratitude to all. Chez xo