Is there light at the end of this tunnel?

Kookaburra picture courtesy of Wikipedia

On Thursday of last week I sat in the office of my GP feeling worn out and tired. My spirits lifted when I learned that my doctor was doing a Letter of Referral to Dr Michael Katekar. Dr Katekar, a Consultant Neurologist, had me admitted to hospital in 1998 where it was determined that I had a mass abutting the right hand side of the pelvic wall. The mass was irritating the obturator nerve causing severe neuralgic pain. At one point I was taking over 150 mgs a day of oral morphine.

Dr Desouza explained that he would fax the Referral to Dr Katekar who would determine the degree of urgency and have his receptionist phone me with appointment details. Silly me! I expected to hear from them immediately; I sat by the phone. On Monday morning, after yet another sleepless night, I felt the need to take some responsibility. I phoned Dr Katekar's surgery. My enquiry drew a blank although I did receive confirmation that my name was there. Patience needed here.

On Wednesday evening I stood outside, taking in the beauty of the countryside, and the freshness of the air after 175 ml of rain which had bucketed down in just 48 hours. Enjoying the stillness, I smiled when I heard the call of the kookaburra, observing that the sound had come from the meter box beside the house.

I immediately took my copy of Animal Dreaming to a quiet spot where I read what Scott Alexander King had to say about the symbolic and spiritual language of the Australian Kookaburra.

The message is clear; time is right for me to take responsibility for my own healing, including the release of pent-up pain, confusion and resentment which could be very confronting. There is an alternative to this internal suffering. Kookaburra is calling for me to probe deeper than the superficial laughter, to awaken to my inner truth and the dawning of a new day. Kookaburra is Spirits way of restoring faith in my quest for personal healing.

I was not at all surprised to find the following morning there was a phone call from Dr Katekar's office to say that an appointment had been made for 9.45am this morning, Friday 3 April.

The nerve conduction study clearly showed the severe damage to the nerves in the wrist. Ah! Ah! Carpal Tunnel explains the pins and needles, loss of strength and problems with the three middle fingers on the right hand.

And there's more. Dr Katekar then began sticking needles into my arm, turning the dial to increase the nerve stimulation. Help! I have been conditioned never to allow anyone to put needles into my lymphoedema arm post mastectomy. My paranoia now apparent as I began to breathe deeply, knowing that my priority is to find the reason for this pain that keeps me awake at nights, away from my friends and requiring regular morphine just to get out of bed each day.

Dr Katekar quickly pointed out that there appeared to be another problem. The index and little finger on the right hand behaving differently to those on the left hand. He recommended an MRI of the cervical spine and brachial plexus, pointing out that he was obliged to tell me that there is possibly a recurrence of the breast cancer in the axillary region.

At best, there could be a simple problem in the nexk. At worst, the lumps that have appeared above the original incision could be a recurrence.

I acknowledged his comment understanding only too well that the journey continues.

I phoned Hunter Imaging to make the appointment and learned that Dr Katekar had already made contact. He apparently explained that the test was a matter of urgency. Earliest available appointments were 6th and 7th May! The receptionist was delightful and said that they would look at rearranging some appointment to get me in ASAP.

Once again, I am bemused to learn that the appointments are made for consecutive days as Medicare will not pay if they are done on the same day. No problem! Do we care that it is 180 km round trip for us to make our way to Cardiff and return which means Haydn giving up his days also as I do not drive while taking the 40 mg of Oxycontin night and morning.

Life goes on..

Animal Dreaming News

In my Boxing Day Post I referred to the work of Scott Alexander King after purchasing a copy of Animal Dreaming. I then placed myself on the list to receive updates.

This came hot off the press today and The Team have said it is fine to share, so I am doing just that. I hope you find it as interesting as I have.

Scott says;

Well, it's February ... and hasn't the year started with a bang? And for many, a devastating bang at that.

We here at Animal Dreaming would like to extend our heartfelt wishes to those affected by the massive floods in Queensland and the bushfires that have taken hold of Victoria.

Many people have emailed asking Scott to share his thoughts on the bushfires and the estimated million or so native and domestic animals that have lost their lives to the flames. And to these questions, Scott has offered these thoughts:

"Well, the truth of the matter is (from a practical, tangible perspective), the Australian bush is designed to burn. It's meant to burn so that it may regenerate and remain healthy. And unfortunately, we humans like living in its depths. Worse still, we humans have among us individuals who like to burn things. And as far as the animals go ... sadly, after first sensing danger and fleeing the bush, they get used to the smoke and return to the forests thinking all is safe ... and then when the wind changes direction, or someone intentonally lights a new fire, they get caught in the fury. Besides, where can they go to escape the fires? Everywhere they go has been developed by humans - even most of the bush they have always called home. Nothing is 'natural' any more, including the cycles of the bush and the flow of the water ways. Everything has changed and despite our influence on the natural balance, we expect everything to stay the same. And it can't.

From a metaphysical point of view, however, Mother Earth is shifting. Simple. Her health is suffering and she is in the initial throws of fever. The world is changing and we are experiencing the affects more intensely than ever before. Everything is suffering as a result, from the weather to the economy. Sure, we're counting down to 2012, but seriously ... we have sped up the process of change in ways none of us could see coming (or rather, in ways none of us CHOSE to see coming). The Earth Changes are upon us, just as the Ancients predicted. And although that may be the case, we're also experiencing a slight case of trying to 'shut the barn door after the horse has bolted'. We willingly embraced the technological age and encouraged the faster-than-is-healthy development of the material world as we know it. GREED has replaced NEED. For the longest time, we ignored the warnings and even tried to deny the first signs of global warming ... and because we chose to hide our head in the sand, we're now screaming full-pelt toward global depression and the 'end of the world' as we know it.

Now, before anyone emails me and tells me I am being negative ... I don't for one second believe the 'world is going to end'. Not in the way many of us fear, anyway. I do see a time approaching, though, when the 'ME' attitude of many will be replaced by 'US'. When 'ME' will come to mean 'WE'. The world has to change. And we must change with it. We must unite ... or pay the price. Things can't continue the way they have been for much longer. Something has to give, and unfortunately, the way it looks, I fear Mother Earth's health will the first to go.

Over the past few years we've been receiving signs from Nature that things are about to change ... the whales beaching, for example, the death of the bees (in their millions), the sudden appearance of more-than-ever-before-experienced sharks in our bays and waterways, not to mention the signs being offered by the Earth Mother herself ... the mudslides, hurricanes, earthquakes, floods and fires; fires of such force that defy history or explanation.

Something is happening, and we need to prepare ourselves. We're still in the early stages, and I truly believe that, if we join forces and work as one, as a people, as a global tribe, and begin to share, support and defend one another, we can deflect a lot of the fear that's bound to arise."

Boxing Day

No! I did not hit the shops today for the Boxing Day sales. I was not really in that space. Instead I choose to sit quietly and reflect on a course of action given my current circumstances.

I was fascinated to find that dozens of little wrens made their way into our garden for the very first time. The striking blue is the male. Wrens appear in folklore all aroung the world. I stood by the kitchen window for some time, watching as they darted in and out amongst the shrubs. Knowing that Boxing Day is also know as St Stephen's Day, or Day of the Wren in Ireland, there simply had to be a message for me.

The book Animal Dreaming, the symbolic and spiritual language of the australian animals by Scott Alexander King gave me the following:

'The Wren heralds the coming of new challenges. It charges us with an unwavering faith in our ability to achieve any goal. Carrying the torch of the East: the beacon of illumination, intuition and the intellect Wren embodies the ability 'to know'. It offers clarity potent enough to shun confusiona and despair forever by acting as the metaphoric light at the end of the tunnel. It maintains mental lucidity and the knowing as to when we should close old doors so that new ones may open'.

This has certainly given me something to think about...