IRE-Nanoknife

‘To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing’ – Author Unknown

I have just come from reading a Post by Nolly Posh (aka Vicki @ http://nollyposh.blogspot.com/2011/07/nanoknife.html on the subject of IRE Nanoknife. Thank you Vicki; this has given me new hope.  Apparently, this treatment, which can be performed on soft tissue cancers, is being utilised at the Alfred Hospital in Melbourne.

That in itself brings back memories. In March 1990 my late husband Raymond was admitted to the Alfred where he was diagnosed with a brain tumour. After more than 7 hours in surgery, his neurologist came out and broke the news. His words! 'This is very serious!' It was! At 48 years of age Ray was paralysed completely down the left side. At that time, we owned and operated, the Lakes Entrance Squash and Fitness Centre. Eldest son Damian was left in charge of the Centre, with help from a special friend Marianne Hocking. Jeremy, who was only 8, was 'off loaded' to an amazing family. The Allen family looked after him as one of their own. It is times like that you feel truly blessed to have such amazing friends.

Unfortunately, at that time it was determined that Ray also had a tumour on the lung. It was necessary for him to undergo intensive rehabilitation before he became a candidate to surgically remove the lesion on the lung. We were transported daily, by ambulance, from the Alfred to the Peter MacCallum Cancer Centre for Ray to undergo radiotherapy. The facilities were 'amazing' (there we go again with THAT word) in that they provided accommodation at all times which enabled me to be with Raymond 24/7. We were truly blessed to have a Cardio Thoracic Registrar on the ward that advised me to take Raymond home two weeks post op. Fortunately, he recognised that Ray was at risk of depression which could possibly have kept him there for an extended period of time. I remember the fear I felt as we left the hospital. Ray was only just out of the wheelchair. I need not have worried. As we drove through the Latrobe Valley, heading for Lakes Entrance, we stopped for coffee. From that moment Ray's condition improved. We were going home, after 18 weeks. The family would be waiting; we would be together again.

This post did not quite go in the direction in which I intended, however, it does give you a little more insight into my 'decision making' process. Either Ray or I have been on the 'cancer' journey since 1978. He lost his battle in 1994. I had a melanoma removed in 1996. With the exception of 2 years, either he or I have had cancer. I don't see,, or hear the fat lady

Tomorrow, I will be ringing my Breast Care co-ordinator to relay this latest information, in the belief that I will be well informed. Better able to make decisions that will do more good than harm. There has to be a way than chemotherapy.

Oh No! Could I be Turning into a Wimp?

'Feed your faith and your fears will starve to death.'  ~Author Unknown

Although it was my intention to continue with 'Why I am Where I am' I have decided to deviate. Dr Andre Van Der Westhuizen (Medical Oncologist) endeared himself to me at the time of our initial consultation, as you know. There was a sense of relief when he referred me for CT Scan and Bone Scan. As a new treating practitioner, I appreciated that he wished to have a clear picture of my condition. Having been on Femara (Aromatase Inhibitor) for 14 months, it is important to check bone density; the scan will  also show if the cancer has spread to the bones. More importantly, I believe these test results will give some indication, and reason for, the increasing size of the lump on the clavicle. As there are new lumps below, the results will, hopefully, prevent any further speculation on my part. Dr Van indicated he has not seen anything like this previously and stated that my case is most unusual ~ a 'double edged sword?' 

When Dr Van mentioned that he would telephone me with the results I apparently gave him a 'look' as he quickly corrected himself saying 'Not a good idea!' We discussed the way in which news could be delivered and he then suggested I make an appointment to see him.  My appointment was made for 9 February. Prior to the tests being carried out I received a letter from Dr Van's secretary stating that my appointment had been changed to 24 February. As you know, waiting can be difficult!  A month just too long for me to wait. Beth at Calling the Shots has done a 'must read' post,'Reduce Your Wait for Medical Results.' As is often the case, there is a 'synchronicity' among bloggers. I decided to  approach the reception desk to ask about having Dr Van telephone me with the results as soon as he has them. I suspect that being a large 'public' hospital I am just another number and I know the clinic sees around 200 patients each day it is very easy to get 'lost in the system.' By Friday, I will be making my first 'follow up' telephone call.

As many of you know both tests were carried out yesterday; I was a bit of a wreck when I arrived home, not only as a result of the testing but due in part to the hot weather. It was 40 degrees Celsius (approximately 104 Fahrenheit.) Tests have not presented any real problem in the past and, although it is a long day, it is normally a 'breeze' for me. We left the farm at 7.30am, arriving at the hospital at 8.45am in time to drink the required 1.25 litres of water in readiness for the CT Scan. The technicians were fabulous; no difficulty accommodating me and the fact that I am no longer able to raise my right arm above my head. There is always some concern with the use of contrast as I have been known to collapse as a result of eating shellfish. Fortunately the staff were prepared for any emergency!

10am and I was ready for the Bone Scan. The cannula had been flushed and remained in place ready for the injection of isotopes. Found a comfortable seat in the coffee shop, sun streaming in through the glass windows, where I ordered a cup of coffee and a toasted cheese and tomato sandwich.  After a two hour wait it was time for the next stage. As my legs and arms were strapped into position I began to feel agitated knowing that my right arm, being a lymphoedema limb, is prone to after affects should the strap be too tight. I asked them to loosen it slightly. Unfortunately, I was not told the assistant had left the room and the procedure had commenced.  I immediately became aware that I had no control over my right arm. My fingers began to curl, my level of concern increasing as my arm and fingers began to twitch uncontrollably. In no time the assistant was beside me to tell me my arm had slipped stopping  the camera, hence the machine. I apologised, explaining that I had absolutely no control. She suggested that I 'hold on' until the machine had passed my hips and she would then be able to release my arms allowing me to cross them over my chest. I think I used every muscle in my upper body in my endeavour to hold that arm close to my body. It was the longest 20 minutes of my life. There were tears in my eyes as I tried to think of more enjoyable times. I was feeling the frustration at every level!

Fortunately, another technician recognised my dilemma as she observed from behind the lead glass and suggested  it could be done differently. For stage two in which the machine was to go around my body, I was placed in a wide band similar to a 'straight jacket.' It wrapped around my body and arms from the wrist to the shoulders. Even with the security provided from this band, my arm and hands refused to obey instructions leaving me fully aware of the deterioration. I had no idea what my right hand was doing but it moved constantly and my arm was at odds with my mental instructions; it was out of control Keeping it still, and by my side, was an impossible task. I was feeling like a wimp and under no illusion as to why activities have become so much more difficult for me. I honestly felt as if I  did not want another scan. Ever!

Do you breeze through your scans, or do you sometimes feel you have 'had enough' of them?

To the Point!

Thank you for your comments which mean so much to me. Recently I have dropped behind with my replies and, God willing, I will manage to get caught up. Please don't hold your breath, just in case! I can promise I will do my best.

The popular conception of therapy usually goes something along the lines of client, couch and therapist, coupled with a notepad and talk. Yesterday went well! Jeremy's birthday passed smoothly! Many candles were lit on his Memory-of site and I received countless personal messages, giving me a sense of being personally blessed.  This led me to Google 'Group Therapy.' According to Georgetown University Counseling and Psychiatric services, Group Therapy is a powerful venue for growth and change.The isolation of farm life, along with a degree of disability, gives me more time to think than I would like. Definitely, time to grow and time to change! Therefore, being part of a group allows me to connect with others in a similar situation. Although the circumstances of my breast cancer recurrence appear to be somewhat unique, the blogging community provides a safe forum, along with emotional support, in my daily battle. Social Networking also gives me access to a large diverse group of individuals offering warmth and providing support. This is the perfect forum to say a huge 'Thank You.'

Dr Sales yesterday checked both the rash on my eyelid and the mark on my jaw line. Thankfully, neither is cause for concern. The rash is a scratch that has become slightly infected while the spot is a skin cancer but...NOT A MELANOMA! I have always used Curaderm for Basal Cell Carcinoma treatment so will probably do the same with this one. He was however, concerned about my current level of  fatigue, as well as the results from the Doppler ultrasound, which showed a complete obstruction of the subclavian and axillary veins indicating extensive post treatment changes within the soft tissue of the right axilla.

I have an appointment with my radiation oncologist on Friday. Dr Sales has suggested I may need further testing. I am normally reluctant to undergo testing unless the symptoms suggest there is some sort of activity. I feel testing is essential at this stage, in spite of my belief that testing increases risks.. The problem could be radiation damage, tumour growth or very extensive blood clotting. Whatever it is, it is a cause for concern.

The one thing I have noticed is that when I feel well in myself I worry less about outcomes. I let my body be the barometer of the soul. As I have been feeling 'out of sorts' as well as fatigued I am 'looking for trouble.' Not a good thing!

On a lighter note, today I had a manicure and pedicure done. Not being able to do my own has become a nightmare. The nails on my right hand often look like 'claws.' I have only just located Tracey, offering a mobile service. In spite of giving explicit instructions about care being taken with cuticles etc I have been left with red, inflamed toes. I think rather than 'pushing' the cuticles back, they were 'shoved.' As you can imagine, I have been applying Tea Tree Oil all afternoon in the hope of reducing the risk of infection. Drat! There has to be a better way!

‘We cannot tell the exact moment a friendship is formed; as in filling a vessel drop by drop, there is at last a drop which makes it run over; so in a series of kindnesses, there is at last one that makes the heart run over’. Author unknown

Who Am I?

If I am not my Breast Cancer and I am not my Grief then 'Who am I?'

Why is is that I am feeling that I have little in my life other than my cancer and my grief. Having mentioned the word 'coincidence' several times lately I have come to realise there is a 'pattern' to my life of late. It is not just a coincidence that I am in this place. It probably began at the time of my marriage to Haydn. In 1996 we returned from our honeymoon. On the way home I began to question  myself, asking if I had made a mistake?  Haydn and I were 'soul mates' during our courtship. Or so it seemed!  Haydn's daughter Claire now says I was 'duped.' The person that courted me was not the father she knew or the man I married. Anyway, that aside, I suspect I suffered from depression in the early days and was very grateful that I found the strength to leave. I felt I had reclaimed my life.

My Breast Cancer diagnosis in March 2003 had little effect on my day to day activities and it was enough for Haydn and I to resume our life together. I had a melanoma removed in 1996 and considered myself blessed to have been referred to a surgeon that believed anything resembling a melanoma should be removed fully rather than biopsied. The world was my oyster. I was never going to see my son an orphan. I felt well and optimistic.

At the time of Jeremy's accident in November 2006 Claire was preparing to depart for New York. Haydn sold the family home as it was our intention to retire in June 2007 and move to a new home at the farm. It was to be a 'new beginning' for us. Haydn's business partner put a stop to the Company trading account that June, being the end of our Financial Year. We ended up preparing for a court battle, as well as living in a site shed at the factory for as long as it took to wind things up. That turned out to be 18 months. I suspect the 'rot' began to sink in about that time. Friends that I had known for years appeared not to be able to handle my loss. I began to withdraw and preferred to be alone at the shopping centres where I could simply drink coffee and watch the world go by. There were less tears that way!

I realise that life with Haydn can be difficult due to his antisocial behaviour. He can be intolerant! He has more than enough good points to compensate. That was not a problem when I was well and we lived in town. I simply lived my own life allowing him to do the same. I loved my role in the Charismatic Renewal as well as my study to become a team member at the Newcastle Healing Rooms. It pleased me to have the opportunity to undertake the preparation to be a Prayer Counsellor. As long as I had a vehicle and a telephone I felt free! And then, of course, I was preparing to  become a Funeral Celebrant.

'Is freedom a state of mind?' I am confused! I am lost! Today, I received a note from Brenda which touched me so deeply that I sat began to sob.

'If only I could understand the reason for my crying. If only I could stop this fear of dreaming that I'm dying' - Laura Palmer

Several times I have skirted around the situation with life as it is today. Yesterday I commented to Haydn that I do not like the person I have become. I even admitted to feeling resentment towards him, meaning that I see him living his dream while I feel 'trapped.' When he told me that his late wife Leigh had said the same thing warning bells rang in my ears.

For more than 2 years I have lived with the pain and uncertainty of life. That is doable! Today I realised that the love in my heart has been replaced by fear. Living with the uncertainty of my condition is bearable. I have come to the conclusion that I  am not ready to die. This has come as a complete shock. I had believed that the date was written in the Book of Life. My role in life no more than simply 'being.' It may be nothing more than to be of service to others that will give me a feeling of contentment:

'Health is the greatest possession. Contentment is the greatest treasure. Confidence is the greatest friend. Non-being is the greatest joy'....Lao Tzu

Since beginning this blog I have used my writing as a tool to keep me strong. And positive! Although it may seem that all is well in my little world, in reality I am afraid.  I have recently used ideas from Brenda's Blog to resurrect tools acquired over many years to reclaim my life in the belief that I will return to a healthy state of mind allowing the fear in my heart to be replaced with love once more. For those interested in what Brenda had to say, the words that allowed the flood gates to open -

'Cheryl My Darling, You haven't given up on any front!! You've had so much loss to deal with plus your own cancer. I think you've done an exceptional job at surviving mentally, physically and emotionally. Yes, there are aspects of your life you wish were different, but you're taking back your power and making changes that will benefit you and Haydn. I'm so proud of you for putting more of an emphasis on yourself. The hypnosis tapes, meditating, prayer, will all help you get centered so you can move forward and make better decisions from a place of calm. Bravo! You don't have to fix everything, today, but embrace those small changes and tweak them in for the maximum benefit. I'm proud of you! You've got grit, girl! XOXOXO, Brenda'

Was it a Coincidence?

If you read my blog frequently you will know that it is an eclectic reflection of my life. What is it that others may observe as 'thriving' in the face of adversity? My so called 'interesting' life is 'normal' to me. I know nothing else! Who am I to draw comparisons? I endeavour to learn, and inspire, from each new challenge and experience. If there is any truth in the thought that we are here to learn lessons, then I am going to learn quickly.

Was it a coincidence that I watched an episode of Packed to the Rafters on Tuesday night?  I was left with are tears streaming down my cheeks. Mel's death in a motor vehicle accident was just to close to home; so many memories.  Just as I am affected by the passing of anyone as a result of breast cancer, so to the emotion raw and unchecked as I sat watching the programme and Mel's death in a trafic accident.

I am taken back in time to the morning of Tuesday 21 November, 2006. Was it a coincidence that I received a text message from Jeremy?  I read the message and surprised him by calling, rather than texting a response. As usual, he was overjoyed to hear from me and did not try to conceal his pleasure. We chatted about the previous weekend; he had apparently had a fabulous time. It pleased me to hear that life was good to him, and that he was getting on with it. He let me know that he had decided to take more interest in his personal appearance, making an appointment to have his hair cut and coloured on the Thursday night. My thoughts were that there must be some truth in a comment made by a radio broadcaster...  young men began to mature around the age of 24. He had turned 24 just 5 days previously. I remember thinking to myself  'He is safe now.' We laughed together and, when his boss Nudge arrived to take him to his job as a plasterer, we finished our conversation. My final words on that morning, 'Love you Sunshine.' Little did I know these would be the last words between us. On reflection, or was it a 'coincidence' that Claire chose to comment that few things stirred feelings of envy in her, but our relationship was definitely up there. I don't remember to many times that Jeremy and I were together, or chatting on the phone, that there wasn't joy and laughter. Others sensed the shared energy;  his mates loved 'hanging out' at our place.

Was it a coincidence that I went to bed  at 7.45pm on that night  but had difficulty sleeping? Normally, I would sit with Claire watching our favourite television programmes. I was unsettled, continually telling myself to 'go to sleep' with no effect. It seemed odd that I was still wide awake, therefore not surprised when the phone rang at approximately 10.10pm. It seemed to confirm my worst fears. There had to be a problem! It was my  beloved eldest son Damian who, on this occasion, was the bearer of heartbreaking news. Damian, and Tyneal, live in Melbourne; a three hour drive from Bairnsdale. It still amazes me that it was Damian who received a phone call advising him of the tragic accident that took the life of his younger brother Jeremy.

I learned that Damian (who is employed in the funeral industry) and Tyneal (a then student at the Victorian Police Academy) on receiving the news, had made the necessary phone calls to the Bairnsdale police. It was confirmed that Jeremy was deceased. In the meantime, Megan had also learned of the accident and she rang me as Jason drove her to the scene of the accident. My understanding is that she was hysterical, and vomiting, unable to function. When she arrived and found the rescue workers cutting her gorgeous, 6ft 6in brother from the wreckage, she was inconsolable knowing that her bro was in that car. It was too much for her and the police asked Jason  to take her to the morgue at the Bairnsdale hospital to wait. It was the very place at which I had given birth to Jeremy 24 years previously.

I believe Megan regrets that she did not have the opportunity to hold Jeremy in her arms one last time. She was allowed only to view him from behind glass at the hospital, although she was the one to formally identify the body. If only I had known; I would have begged her to come to Melbourne to view his body. I believe it would have helped enormously with the grieving process. Was it a coincidence that Jeremy died with a smile on his face? In spite of the horrific nature of the accident that took his life he was smiling. Was it Michael's jokes, or was it because Jesus laid His hand on him and gently whispered 'Come with me?'

Jeremy was not alone as he took his last breath. Was it a coincidence that Jeremy was comforted by a complete stranger named Michael, telling him jokes as he held him in his arms? Jeremy received the sacrament of the Holy Spirit in Confirmation the year his Father died. Was it a coincidence he chose to take Archangel Michael as his Patron Saint? He wanted a powerful guardian angel! As onlookers stood around watching on that night, Michael made the decision to be there for Jeremy. He stepped up to the task knowing only to well the heartache of losing a child. He had held his own baby in his arms as he lay dying. I asked Michael later why he thought jokes were what was needed at that time. Michael simply said he felt he had been led. I will be forever grateful to Michael; I believe he truly was like a 'Guardian Angel' to Jezz.

Although there are some things that are blurred about that time, I am going to try to put some of the pieces together in the next post. I now believe it is possible to receive messages from our deceased loved ones.

All God's angels come to us disguised.
-James Russell Lowell

When Enough is Enough

I believe that at the time I agreed to marry Haydn I undertook a role, although I probably did not recognise it at the time.

Haydn and his late wife Leigh were married for about 27 years; they have 3 children, all of them living in this region. Leigh was an only child and her death left a gaping hole for her Mother Dorothy [Dot] who is now 92 years of age. Daughter Alex is the only family member to take time for her grandmother.

Dot has enjoyed the most amazing health and is not coping well with the periodic burning sensation that she gets in her legs. Fortunately it is not always there. Either Haydn or I call daily to check that she is OK. We offer to help where we can although there are often time constraints as we struggle to fit in my medical appointments; we all know there have been plenty of those over the past two years. We regularly buy her beer and fruit and vegetables and take them to her. Yes! She enjoys a glass of white wine with lunch and a beer at night. I have mentioned previously that retiring to the farm was not a good idea; this is the time we need to be close to all services. The 180 kilometre round trip adds about 2.5 hours. They are often long days.

We have noticed lately that Dot has become very despondent and cries frequently during our phone conversations. Her eyesight is failing, making reading difficult. Apart from that, she is quite agile and lives alone. She would like to continue to live where she is as it is across the road from the shopping centre. The most pressing problem appears to be that she has outlived her friends and loneliness has become enemy number one.

She mentioned recently that she had gone to to Garden City shopping centre looking for the Target store. She asked directions and became so overwhelmed when she could not follow them that she found her way to the bus stop and headed for home with great urgency. When I suggested that Haydn and I would be happy to take her she thought it was a lovely idea as there was some shopping she would do there.

Today was the day! Funny thing is that when we arrived at the shopping centre she had no interest in looking in the shops. What do you do with a 92y.o. from 10.30am to 12.30 while waiting for granddaughter and great granddaughter to arrive? I suggested coffee and, although she was not interested initially, she succumbed, and so we sat down waiting for Alex and Amarlie to arrive for lunch.

Dot shared with me the fact that she is tired of living; the loneliness has left its mark and it is obvious that she now sees the glass as half empty. She is fast losing sight of the joy of living. The passion has gone.

I asked her what her feelings were on euthanasia. She says she agrees whole heartedly but does not feel she has the where-with-all so it is not an option.

I have just begun reading 'Denial of the Soul' [Spiritual and Medical Perspectives on Euthanasia and Mortality] by M Scott Peck. Being a believer in Eternal Life I am determined to learn my life's lessons knowing that it is not when or how I die, rather how I live that is important. I am prepared to put my trust in the medical system [and the Lord] to provide quality pain management and palliative care as necessary.

In the meantime I have just gone to make myself a cup of ginger tea. The honey jar was empty so I had to open a new one myself as Haydn is in bed. Just for the fun of it.... try putting your dominant hand behind your back and opening a new jar. Makes me smile as I endeavour not to let the frustrations overcome me. Who says I do not need to be in care?

As I Stand Now

Yesterday I had a consultation with Dr Richard Burstal from Hunter Integrated Pain Service. I found him to be compassionate and understanding. Having requested a referral through my General Practitioner, I was optimistic that I would be offered some pain relief other than my current list of medications.

It turned out to be a painful emotional experience. I awoke in the morning feeling unwell; not at all like me. When I arrived at the Mercy Hospice for the Outpatients Clinic I could not believe that my stomach was churning. Even my coffee from the brilliant barista did nothing to settle things down. I was able to recognise the reason for my dilemma. The last time I had been in that particular part of the hospital was 1993/94 when I accompanied my late husband Ray to meditation sessions held at the hospice. Bitter sweet memories.

Taking 80mg of Oxycontin [1 b.d.] is a concern as I have been led to believe that it is not terribly effective for nerve pain. There is also the fact that it is highly addictive. Dr Burstal reassured me that the Lyrica [Pregabalin] and Epilim [Valproate Sodium] were used for that purpose. In his opinion, the 80mg of Oxycontin night and morning was not a huge problem. Although my pain is reasonably well managed, I am well aware that there have been times in the past - and likely to be times in the future -that it will be different. It is important for me to feel that I am prepared for the future and I know exactly who to turn to should the need arise.

My current treatment is designed to give me quality of life and, unfortunately, the fear factor often rears its ugly head. Having had uncontrolled pain on numerous occasions, I do not wish to go there again.

Now that Dr Burstal has seen me while I am feeling well, I have been reassured that there are many options available, should the need arise. What a relief!

Today I attended the monthly meeting of the Oncology Support Group at the Calvery Mater Hospital. I felt it would be particularly interesting as I personally have always used some form of complimentary treatment.

Our topic for this month being Anti-oxidants and other Complementary Medicines. We were to have Jon Dickson as our guest presenter. Jon has 4yrs post graduate qualifications in herbal medicine along with his pharmacy qualifications. He has 35 yrs experience in community medicine and 14 yrs experience in Herbal Medicine.

Jon is keen to introduce complementary to orthodox medicines which have scientific evidence to back them up.

Unfortunately, he was unable to attend due to a sudden death. Seems it will be rescheduled. I look forward to that.

There was some discussion about the benefit of following the asparagus cancer treatment and it surprised me to learn that one member has been using it for about 6 months while another intends to commence shortly. I believe the jury is out on the success of the treatment and it is certainly not something I would commence midway through treatment without the approval of treating doctors.

I believe it is important to remain optimistic. I find myself reflecting on complimentary treatments which are often suggested. Undertake it only if I truly believe it will work for me.

And........ never, never, never give up HOPE

Benefits versus Risks

I cannot help but wonder about the benefits and risks associated with some of the medications taken daily in the hope that I will be given time, along with reasonable quality of life.

Towards the end of 2009 I commenced taking Arimidex, which belongs to a group of drugs called Aromatose Inhibitors. These drugs are useful when given to stop the production of estrogen. After three months on the drug I mentioned the debilitating joint pain to my oncologist. She told me to stop taking it immediately.

My instructions were to have a six week break and then to begin a course of Femara (belonging to the same group of drugs.) This was about the 10 December. Approximately 2 days later I began suffering unbearable pain in the right arm/hand. Palliative Care were summoned. I was given an injection that provided almost instant relief. Whew! Don't want to go there again! I believe I actually managed to put some sort of a Post together at the time. I had daily visits from my amazing Palliative Care team until both the pain, and medications, were stabilised.

My General Practitioner (doctor) suggested that the Arimidex may have been controlling the cancer. When it was withdrawn, the pain indicated that it was, once again, on the move. Of course we have no way of proving his theory.

Back to the present.

I commenced taking my Femara in February and there appeared to be no visible repercussions. That is until a routine visit to Dr Milton Sales, (my GP) about one month ago. Not only is this man caring, he is very thorough and believes that more things are missed through not looking than not knowing.

An examination indicated that I could possibly have a thrombosis in the right arm. Sure enough, I was referred for imaging where a Dopler showed a 9 centimetre blood clot. The concern being that it could spread up the arm and could easily move to the lungs or the heart. I commenced a 10 day course of Clexane immediately as well as being put onto a three to six month course of warfarin to thin the blood. This means regular blood tests to check that INR levels are between 2 and 3 indicating that the meds are doing their work.

While visiting Dr Sales yesterday, I mentioned that there was an unusual pain between the wrist and the elbow. He is now confident that the blood clot runs almost the full length of the arm. Blood clotting is a risk factor for approximately 1.2% of patients taking Femara. Dr Sales feels that the benefits outweigh the risks. I am not so sure but will certainly be discussing it with my oncologist when I attend clinic next Wednesday.

There is a 'fear' factor for me. Having experienced the uncontrolled pain of the recurrence in the brachial plexus I am reluctant to discontinue a medication that may well be working effectively to prevent the spread of cancer. I am hoping that my PET/CT Scan on Wednesday gives a clear picture. I am uncertain... finding my current situation quite challenging.

Every day I give thanks for the many blessings in my life and I pray to God to be given the strength to endure whatever it is my future holds.