Monday, November 15, 2010

Oh No! Could it be Another Melanoma?

The week has not started well with this wretched fatigue being an ongoing problem. My morning Tai Chi class, normally uplifting, was tiring for some reason so I found my way to the sofa as soon as I arrived home. This afternoon, after checking the garden and spreading some fertiliser in anticipation of the rain, the fatigue got the better of me and I curled up on the lounge. There was no  sense of feeling refreshed when I surfaced. Not a good sign!

Tomorrow I have an appointment with my regular General Practitioner, Doctor Milton Sales. The date is 16 November, which is also the birth date of my 'Spirit Child' Jeremy. The appointment will be slightly different to my 'normal' appointments which have come to be about prescriptions for medications and blood tests for INR levels. Being  on Warfarin for the blood clot means regular testing as many have discovered.

I have not had results for the Doppler ultrasound on the blood clot so that will be a priority considering the sonographer did not appear able to find either veins or clots! I now have a rash that is beginning to spread across the eyelid of my left eye. Having a problem on the left side is certainly different! Until now, everything that does go wrong is on the right side of my body. Yesterday, with the sun shining through the en suite windows giving better light, I checked the rash on my eye. That done I looked at the area on my jaw bone to see if the rash had spread further; there was an itchy spot which was annoying me. I was amazed to find a spot that does resemble something like a melanoma. I self diagnosed my own in 1996 having spent many years in melanoma clinics with my late husband. His Death Certificate gives cause of death as melanoma. As you can imagine, I am a little shocked. Actually, that is an understatement!! You would know from my writing that I believe it is not what is given to us that is important, rather what we do with what is given to us that teaches.... I really feel like I could do with a break about now. Then again, it may not be as bad as I think.

There has not been a lot of proof reading for this post as I simply wished to put my thoughts on paper before going to bed for m,ore sleep.

'Time does not always HEAL: it just breathes and swallows memories like the seasons change – sending showers; beating flowers into the mud. And nothing is forever in this place. Nothing but the way my heart fits in your hands; the held breath of HOPE'…author unknown


Kaz said...

Chezzy my dear friend,so sorry to here this,as i said when will you get a break.Chez you are always look at the postive so mean so much to me as you go thru so much and keep ticking on.My heart and soul will be with you tomorrow on Jezza bday,know theres a big party in heaven for 2 days as we are on different time zones..will for sure talk to you tomorrow.

Love ya,Kazzy.xo

Starry said...

I am both surprised and yet oddly not by the timing of this. Sorry to hear about the rash but perhaps it served a purpose in helping you find your spot of concern. I always hope a break is on the horizon for you but your life does seem to be 'one thing on top of another'. I don't think I know anyone else who could keep their beautiful personality and outlook through half of this. You continue to be the most excellent model for me. I'll be lighting a candle for you and Jezz tomorrow.
god bless you xoxox

Anonymous said...

Trusting and praying it's only a rash and will heal with no problems. Sending my love as always & holding you & your precious Jeremy close in my heart & prayers.

stonepost said...

Good Morning, perhaps Evening to you, Chez! I also hope the rash is nonsense and silly and gone. I was on Warfarin also for a blood clot in my right shoulder. This is rat poison, ya know! I am still hunting for a doctor who will prescribe an aged Brandy. They have no humor whats so ever! The voodoo doctors will keep you on warfarin forever if it is their choice. I took it for two months and stopped and I am still here. My body has had enough poisons. As for the fatigue, only cancer people can understand this. It is truely indescribable. I slept 18 hours at a time for most of my chemo, one of those opportunities in life I slept through! It is necessary and healing. I am still reading your past blogs and appreciate your sharing the struggle.

nancyspoint said...

Chez, Sorry about the fatigue and puzzling rash. Don't feel bad about just resting on that sofa, my sofa has been a comforting place of refuge for me the past months. I hope you have a helpful apt tomorrow with some answers. I will be thinking of you on Jeremy's special day.

Kathryn said...

I cannot say that I understand your exact situation. I can say that I understand the grief and that in itself is hard work. I also know that feeling of wanting a break. I hope you can find some peace and a way to have a ""break" even if it is only for a short while. Walking in the garden and absorbing all its beauty and loving energy. Or reading a book that captures your attention long enough to find an escape even for a little bit.
It's those little breaks that help me push though. It's also remembering to take those little breaks as gifts. To realize that it may not have been a lot of time but it was something.
I send you love and light. May it surround you and fill you with peace. said...

Your spirit is bigger than your cancer. It surrounds you and fills you with light and love. I thank you for letting me be part of your life. Wish I could just blink, nod my head and find myself on your doorstep.

Let us know ASAP about the rash. I looked it up online and see that stress can cause hives and rashes as well as shingles. The same site also says a number of relaxation methods like meditation and tai chi are good at controlling stress.

I'm sending you an email.


Chez said...

Thank you so much Nancy. I would love to feel refreshed after rest however, it does not seem to work like that with fatigue. I look at chores that I would like to finalise and they continue to sit there. I am learning to turn a 'blind eye'
Bless you xo

Chez said...

Kathryn, I am sure you understand the grief, and the need to feel able to take a 'break!' It must be 'full on' for you and my heart bleeds for you.
Having a young family is hard work. Losing a husband and being left to raise the children on your own filled with frustrations and challenges.
Please know that my heart goes out to you and my prayer for you is that you are able to accept that you simply have to place one foot in front of the other at this time and do the very best that you are able given your circumstances.
May you be blessed with a peace filled heart allowing your children to reach out to you in love. I pray for strength for the journey for you xo