Tuesday, November 23, 2010

The Week That Was....

“When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.”....Kahlil Gibran

Having felt that I successfully survived 'Spirit Child' Jeremy's Birthday on the 16th, followed by his Angel Date on 21st, I was totally unprepared to find everything come crashing down around me.

So what happened?

Maybe it had something to do with an email from my very special friend Starry. I think, from memory, that I was the first person to leave a comment on her new blog when she commenced blogging all those years ago over at Bigpond. It quickly became apparent that we shared something very special. The words of her email have touched me deeply; there is no better place to share, and invite your welcome comments.

.....'I've just been really absorbing all your blog posts I've missed even the ones in between times I've commented. You have been sharing so prolifically I wanted to give you my full attention. Your life shouldn't be something I just squeeze into a spare few minutes here and there, after all I find you a completely fascinating and inspirational person.
 I think I might also have been delaying reading as I sensed you might be trying to tell me you are going to move on soon and that I might have to acknowledge that to you... though I don't want to assume too much since as you say you are still alive, and you might not be quite ready to go yet. So how do I tell you what I think or feel? You have to know that I simply accept you. I totally respect you. I'd love it if you stayed forever, but I will never ask you to suffer more. I accept your journey and I accept the journey of our friendship and this acceptance is one of the most enriching experiences of my life. Jezz will tell you, I'm scrappy, I'm a fighter, but I'm learning from you how to be that and still have grace and dignity, you're a great role model for me Chez.'

Knowing that January is close, and I am fascinated by family members that have been born in the month of their passing into Eternal Life, it has always seemed natural to believe that would be the case with myself. Well! I thought that I was ready. But maybe not....
I believe that we are given situations in life that allow our own spirits to grow. The more our souls gain from our life's experiences, the closer we become to God. My choice is to become more 'God like'
The messages that I am receiving are slightly ambiguous. Yes! It would be easy to 'give in' to my illness. It seems I have been 'doing battle' to stay alive for so long however, I am not yet ready for it to end. I do believe that my life's purpose has not yet been achieved. So..thank you sweet Starry for the carefully chosen, and thoughtful content, of your email. I am planning on staying around, God willing, no matter how great the hardship.

Last night I watched as Altiyan Childs took out the finals of X Factor Australia. His version of 'Somewhere in the World' speaks volumes to me as I negotiate this journey of life. It has been tears, tears and more healing tears for me today. 

'Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.'
Kahlil Gibran

15 comments:

Starry said...

I'm really not used to being stuck for words... but I am a little bit tonight!
So I'll just say how glad I am that you accept me back, and can accept my message and understand what I do and don't mean by it.
I don't think its an exaggeration at all to say that one of the greatest kindnesses the angels have done for me is to make sure we met via our young bigpond blogs.
Here's to our journeys, individual and shared xoxox Starry

Kaz said...

Chez,nothing i write could come close to what Starry wrote to you,love it and Cheryl Radford we all love you and respect you so much..I have to say Big hugs to you Starry well written..

Chez this guy can sing as we talked have listen to most of the song he sang on x factor.

Love you my friend lots.Kaz.xo

nancyspoint said...

Chez,
Yes, you did survive the grueling week filled with joyous memories of Jeremey as well as devastatingly sad ones. Sometimes the later anniveraries of these times are even harder, so it's not surprising at all to me that everything came crashing down as you said. I'm glad you have your special friend, Starry. You are a role model for her, and many others as well, because of all your "scars" and how you keep going in spite of them.

Sami said...

Chez, I am about to begin the third year without my mother on December 2 (hence my month of positivity to try to ease the pain!). I never know how I will react to the day until I'm living it. But I know, and am comforted by, the fact that you and all the other wonderful people in my life will help get me through. I am so happy to see that you have an amazing set of people in your life to do the same. We love you! xo

Audrey said...

Chez, I think it is evident from the other comments, that we all feel the same - Starry has captured so eloquently what we all feel but may lack the skill to adequately communicate. Her words are as beautiful as your spirit is. You are loved!
xoxoxo

Maundering mutterer said...

My mom was ready to meet God, and off she went. You still have things to do and so you stay. May you be granted time and strength.

Rose Mary Saraiva said...

Chez, you are truly an amazing woman, you have shown me and so many others what true courage and strength looks like. I thank God everyday that I have stumbled upon your blog, and those of others who are willing to share their journey, helping all of us who are traveling this road called life.

I know all too well what this week has meant to you. Know that you and your angel Jeremy are always in my prayers.

Thank you for the gift of YOU and God bless.

Love, Rose Mary xoxoxo

stonepost said...

What a week to go through, and you made it Chez and with style and grace. Now you need a week of laughter, something funny, you have more than earned it.

Alli said...

Yes my dear you did make it through....Now you know what you have to do.....
DANCE~

Love Alli XOXO

Chez said...

Starry, it is fitting that you are first to comment. After all, you created awareness of the 'elephant in the room' for me.
Love and gratitude sweet friend.
Kaz, you may struggle to find the words my friend; I understand your actions perfectly. You're the best!

Chez said...

Nancy, you have 'nailed' it! My heart is filled with joyful memories and they get me through the days. I feel truly blessed to have had 24 glorious years.
Time to pick myself up, dust myself off etc.
I am so grateful for your thoughtful comments. Thank you so much...

Chez said...

Thank you Mm; I am praying for both. And of course, there is the strength from others that makes a difference. So glad that you are here to share the journey...

Chez said...

Rose Mary.. I do give thanks daily for the gift of friendship of my fellow bloggers. You are a truly amazing group and it is collective strength, love friendship, joy, sorrow and so much more that carries me when I am unable to carry myself.
Thank you so much for the gifts that you bring to support me.
Love and gratitude...

J Bar said...

Chez, thanks for visting and commenting on my blog.

artistdeb said...

I thought my comment here went through a couple of days ago Chez - but don't see it. Just know you continue to be in my thoughts. Deb