Sunday, August 7, 2011

Who am I?

'Words of comfort, skillfully administered, are the oldest therapy known to man'
- Louis Nizer

It's official! I'm in therapy!
My appointment with Cath [Psycho Oncologist] went well on Wednesday. Why is it that after chatting for an hour, covering topics that I consider to be very beneficial, I do not remember the ground covered? I went in expecting to talk about my feelings of anger, mainly towards a particular member of hospital staff, and I left not having mentioned it even once.

Cath very quickly picked up that with so much happening to me at this time, I am in a position where it feels like I can't be myself. My identity is connected with my activities of the past; the very things that I have lost! It often seems to me that I am worthless; a feeling that does not sit comfortably!

'Human identity is the most fragile thing that we have, and it's often only found in moments of truth.'
-Alan Rudolph 

Not once did I heard her use traditional text book 'stuff.' We actually held dialogue. I was surprised when she referred to me as having Post Traumatic Stress. There was a brief explanation as to how it occurs with each new crisis increasing existing stress. I jokingly told her it was not a good idea to put a label on me as I just may want to live up to it
.
As the session drew to a close, Cath said she wanted to see me next week. It's important! I have homework. Love being in therapy; it brings with it a sense of peace!

I often wonder if I am the only one that has unanswered questions. Do you feel that you need help as your journey progresses?



10 comments:

rama said...

Yes questions come as we journey through this life, but I know that nobody would be able to give me the answers, for nobody knows answers for my problems/questions. I know that I alone have the answers to my questions, and they always come to me from within me, at the most unexpected moments and I am satisfied with the answers.
I pray you get your answers, and it doesn't matter from where you get them.

Kaz said...

Chez am so glad you found a dear lady to talk with and i believe it will help so much.will catch up with you later girl friend.

Love always Kazzy.xo

Diane Rodgers said...

Hi sweet friend,

This blog actually made me smile! It is wonderful to read that you left this session with Cath with a sense of PEACE!!!! YES!!! It seems to me continuing therapy will be the best thing that has happened for you in a very long time!

So happy you found a good lady to talk with so fast...it makes all the difference from what people say.

It does seem we all tend to take our identity from what we do or have done...then life throws us a curve ball or two or three...then it is all messed up inside of our heads as to who we really are and our self worth is questioned...our very being is questioned.

All I can say is .... it is not important what you did or what you are doing now...What is important is who you are inside and how you so well share all of yourself to so many...

All that really matters in the end is that you have loved and given love ...it is all we can take with us..for love never dies and Jesus said it is the greatest commandment of all! He thinks your worth is huge and so do I ...

Love forever and always,
Di
xox

Cheryl said...

NesKa Bogie commented on your status.
NesKa wrote: "chez i tried to comment on your blog but it doesnt seem to of worked..just wanted to say i truly feel for you beautiful lady xox you have been through SO much & still you manage to smile..i know you will guided by all of us that love you here & from above& that you are always well informed on all your options when making a decision such as the one you are now facing..follow your heart..strength love & much needed hugs sent to you on butterfly wings xox :) "

Alli said...

Cheryl this is another life line. You grab take hold and use this person to whatever capacity you need.
I'm not going to gush all over because you know I'm straight forward say what needs to be said. It isn't about anyone else but you!!
Love Alli XXX

nancyspoint said...

Chez,
I am thrilled that you are in therapy with someone that seems to "get it"! I have always been a great believer in the power of words, so these quotes are great. Again, I'm so glad for you! Let us know how the next session goes!

BreastCancerSisterhood.com said...

Chez,
Therapy can be a very freeing experience. I've seen a therapist on and off since James died seven months ago. Without therapy, I would not be doing as well as I am. Don't worry about "labels." Perhaps you can look at them as helping you to understand, in this case, how all of the loss and illness you've experienced has piled one on top of the other. You've been inundated with illness and grief. I pray you find a way to release it.

Love,
Brenda

diane b said...

So glad that you are finding this helpful. I had a nervous breakdown when i was forty and I had to have treatment. I think admitting that you need help is the most important hurdle to jump. From then on it all gets better.

sm said...

questions keep arising
who am I

Ronni Gordon said...

Totally need help, all the time, and I take it wherever I can get it: Talk therapy, following up on suggested reading, yoga, recent Tai massage, and, yes, psychopharmacology, i.e. drugs.

Always loved that phrase, psycho oncology. I know what it means, but it kind of made me laugh as if we are all psycho.

So glad you found a good person to talk to.

By the way my therapist said I also fell in the PTSD category. I think many of us do...it has varying degrees.