Get me Outta Here..... Please?

Although it was my intention to continue on from the previous post it has not happened. That will come later.

Why is it that for the past two to three weeks I have felt like I need to be scraped from the bottom of the bird cage?

My last consultation with Dr Sales was pretty much routine. The feelings of wellness did not last long. I found myself feeling tired and lethargic within days; maybe even a little sad on occasions. Putting those feelings aside, I readily agreed to book flights to go to Melbourne to visit my children. I had been happy to forego my trip to Floriade to spend time with family. Knowing that 22nd October is Damian and Tyneal's first wedding anniversary I went ahead and booked tickets for myself and Haydn to depart on Thursday 21st. I was excited! It has been far too long since I have spent time Damian, Megan or Carla and respective families/grandchildren. Two days later I experienced a major hiccup with bleeding from where the sun doesn't shine. Being on blood thinning medications adds to the problem. By Wednesday I realised that I simply did not have the energy for the flight and the driving the trip would entail.

I became very emotional. Knowing that crying was not going to achieve anything I picked up the phone to call Damian. I had offered to stay with Jascha, allowing Damian the freedom to do something special with Tyneal. Why I was being such a sook? I had no idea! I have always felt I had a strong constitution. Not any more! Although I started off crying, Damian soon had me laughing with his suggestion of wearing adult diapers and travelling anyway. At the end of our conversation he had allowed me to be convinced that my health must be the priority. They would simply make other arrangements for Jascha. Thank you Damian. You always manage to bring things back to an even keel.

Knowing that I have been feeling rather tired, and sad, I feel it is time to address all issues that may be contributing to my current crisis. The isolation at the farm is probably number one. Femara is right up there as the joint swelling and pain seems to be getting progressively worse. On reading Dr Aaaron Tabor's latest blog entry I became aware that having physical limitations as a result of breast cancer treatment increases my risk of death due to any cause by 40%. I rather think that whether the cause is the cancer, or the treatment, it is something else to overcome. I want so much to blog regularly, as well as keep in touch via email, with my favourite people, and I struggle to do that now as a one or two finger typist. Then of course, there is always the loss of a child. Although it will be four years next month since Jeremy's accident, the pain remains. I am fatigued and yet I cannot help but ask 'Is there something else going on?'

So back to today. Reflecting on all of this, I realise that it is necessary to make a decision; time to put a plan in place. Mentally, I have made a decision that I can live with and feel at peace with myself. Now it is time to hasten slowly.

Floriade 2010

Floriade is the largest garden show in Australia. I think!

There is nothing quite like a field of pink tulips [especially for you Karen]

Pictures courtesy of the Floriade official web site

I am hoping to visit and see all of this for myself for myself

All this and so much more

Floriade comes from the Latin word floriat, which means to design with flowers.

Over 1 million bulbs and annuals are planted each year for Floriade, depending on the garden bed design.

A mix of flowers, predominantly bulbs create the kaleidoscope of colours that set the backdrop to Floriade. Some of the blooms include tulips, irises, daffodils, hyacinths, violas, chrysanthemums, ranunculus and daisies.

There were tears of joy when Haydn surprised me today by suggesting that we spend a few days in Canberra to take in the sights of Floriade. Given that my gardening days are numbered, I was relieved to feel my enthusiasm is still very much alive.

Yesterday I became aware of soreness and pain on my right side, in the area of my latest breast lump, which is just below the collar bone. Tonight it appears to be warm, and even more painful. I suspect there is inflammation. I am in a dilemma! Do I begin taking antibiotics? As I am prone to cellulitis my doctor advocates always have a prescription for antibiotics made up and ready for any emergency. My question? Is this an emergency?

Spring and Floriade go hand in gardening glove and I want very much to have this opportunity. I am prepared to put up with the joint pain, and sit as often as required, as long as I can make it.

Fortunately, I have an appointment to see my doctor Tuesday and yet I know if there is inflammation, and cellulitis, it will have taken hold.

Tonight my prayers will definitely be for healing.