Friday, March 20, 2009

Following Right On

Thankfully it is Friday! I have not forgotten the love and friendship that filled the Comments on my last Post and will certainly respond later in the day. This has been a tough week in many ways, although there is no doubt in my mind that it has shown me one of the many reasons I love to blog.

I do hope you can feel the love and appreciation that is coming your way in gratitude. May God Bless you and keep you strong.

A quick update for those of you interested in Ness' progress. Chemo was due to begin this week. I was contemplating a suitable gift to send her, knowing how difficult the journey is, especially for someone just 32 years of age. I carefully chose a beautiful blue Swarovoski butterfly from my own collection rather than buying her something new. As the name Vanessa means butterfly, I had the feeling it was just perfefct.

My relationship with Haydn!!
Haydn did apologise and has said that he will make a real effort. I accept that he will do his best! My stepdaughter Claire tells people that 'Dad duped Cheryl!' She has always said that he became a different person from when we met until we walked down the isle. He then reverted to his former self! Interesting observation!
Unfortunately, Hayd seems to think that had we not had the many dramas that have plagued our time together his life would be different maybe even perfect! Somehow, I struggle with that concept, although there are times that I feel our relationship has not had a chance. To me, life is what I chose to make it. Maybe that is why I am so good at playing 'mind' games with myself.

I was smiling reflecting on Lisa's Post and the media in our lives. Do we or do we not watch television and read the newspapers? Personally, I choose to watch a couple of programmes that inspire me and sit comfortably with my belief system. It seemsHaydn has become very negative since retiring. Watching TV from 4pm until bedtime at 8pm tells me that is not what I want for myself. He states frequently that Melbourne Bitter (beer) is his 'best' friend. Is that sad or what?

Only time will tell whether or not our relationship survives this. At least there is open discussion.

Saw Dr Desouza yesterday. He provided a request for a steroid injection into the bursa using ultrasound for accuracy. First available appointment is 2 April. He does feel that maybe the doctors had been looking for something complex while, just maybe, it is a couple of simple things. Let's hope he is right! I am mindful of Jeremy's message! I have to want to live!!!!

In the meantime, I have decided that there are risks involved with taking the Oxycontin and Endone at the rate that I gobble them up so I have now made the decision to seek the help of an acupuncturist. It seems I have nothing to lose except my pain.

During the 2 week wait I will seek out the services of a physiotherapist as well as the acupuncturist.

I do have Haydn's full support on both. That is great news!

Until next time my friends... live life to the full and may each day be filled with love and laughter


Carolyn R. Parsons said...

You sound better. I'm so happy. It's hard to be surrounded by negativity and remain positive. But our journey is our own. We can choose who we bring along and who we leave behind.


mandy said...

Wonderful news about Haydn Cheryl....I know we can all get down about where our lives are taking us but we as individuals have the power to change that...Let`s hope that Haydn is doing just that...
An appropriate gift indeed for Ness...I`m sure with the support around her she will get through this time in her life and never look back...
Oxycontin is a hard drug to get off if you stay on it for too long....Matt is going through the process now of reducing his quantities...Trouble is he has been on them for a terrible amount of years now....Last visit to the doctors I asked if there were any alternatives other than the Oxy....Morphine is the next best thing...So next month he will convert...Apparently the morphine is easier to give up.....Only draw back is that when he converts he may feel worse than he already does but with some luck this feeling won`t last too long...Only time will tell , so he and I could be in for a bumpy ride....
You my friend have a wonderful weekend and keep drawing on the positive things in your life...Before you know it you`ll be in that doctors surgery having the pain relief needed for this ailment and on the road to recovery....
Love to you

Anonymous said...

Oh Cheryl, Hope it all works out for you. I can feel so much into your writng your pain and your heart. I do believe u can overcome this and your friends will be here all the way. Cheryl u have to believe in what is in your heart, i just want your pain to go away then, the journey we go through losing a child is a long journey with ups & downs or show i say 1 step forward and 2 steps back. This month has been more hard as the passing of your beloved Ray.
Sending hugs to Ness and she has a special lady to help her through her journey that you have walk and still walking.. Sending Big Hugs to you....
Love u, Karen xoxo

Unknown said...

Hi Chez, I am laughing because when you phoned me as well as reiki that I suggested I had accupuncture in my mind.... perhaps I was on the right track after all.
Relationships are so complex, they are living things that exist somehow in the spiritual land between two parties, I hope all goes well for you, you are right, honest discussion is the only way through, painful as that can be at times.
My loving best wishes always, Starry xxx

Anonymous said...

Hi Cheryl...

So much happens from one day to the next it is amazing! I like what Breeze posted here, short and to the point and nicely said!

Your choice of what to give to Vanessa....PERFECT... You know butterflies mean so much to a lot of us, and I love that you chose to give her one of your very own, from your personal collection...That means a whole lot more than buying a new one for her! She will love it!

We all play "mind games" Cheryl...It is called survival! Losing a child makes us do things and think things we never would have ...Learning to live a "New Normal"...well...there is nothing NORMAL about it! I do know our kids want us to live as best we can and go on with our lives and not be STUCK on that horrible day everything changed for us. (Now I am crying as it still feels impossible to do it.) I think WE WANT TO LIVE ... IT IS JUST KNOWING HOW TO. Hopefully your visit to the therapist will help you learn yet another way to go forward...

Praying the acupuncture helps and no infections occur until the appointment in 2 weeks.

One thing you can count on Cheryl... all of us here who love you each and every day...we will be here for you, and with you...always!

Love you and keep on keeping on!
God Bless you my friend,

P.S. Maybe Hayden saying his beer is his "best friend"...just maybe he wants you to fill that space in his life...

Anonymous said...

Chez I am so happy to hear that Haydn is perhaps looking to be more accepting and tolerant. I agree with your comment that life is what you make it. Everyone of us makes a choice every minute of the day. It is abundantly clear to me that you choose a life of positivity. I am with you on that one!
I think that a butterfly is a PERFECT gift for Nessa. When I was first diagnosed, a number of people sent me stories and pictures of blue butterflies. They remind me of hope and brighter days.
Good decision on the acupuncture! I think many people experience success with it, and that is what I wish for you.
Biggest hugs dear friend,

Cheryl said...

Breeze, I appreciate so much that you have come into my life. Big thank you my friend.
I am feeling more settled as Haydn really has made a supreme effort and he knows that I will walk if I feel my health is at risk. I am not threatening. Simply stating it as it is.
I have decided to do a Post by way of explanation.

Cheryl said...

Mandy you are gorgeous my caring, compassionate friend. Guess you can see through me also! The pain and the Oxycontin probably getting to me. I am literally worn out!
Of course I am also missing my blogging and all of you amazing friends that challenge my thinking and give me the love and support that I have become so used to.
I really do want you to know that I could not get through the days without you.
Sending my special mix of love and laughter to you, also Matt and the kids

Cheryl said...

Karen, my new title for those of you following my ramblings sit so well with me. 'My Dream Team'
Let us dare to live our dreams and love our life. I tell you I am always thinking of Maine. How far is Diane from you? I could do it I suspect once this pain has eased.
Our glorious angels need to be more specific. I can feel them laughing as Jezz says 'She is so, sooo slow.....'
Wake up Mother. Wake up!
Oh my goodness I must soon 'get' it.
Love you my special friend and I love my slide show that I watch each day and cry my eyes out. The love with which it was done just jumps out at me.

Cheryl said...

Starry, you are so always on the right path. How's that for use of the English language.
I am making every effort to get to your Inner Child Post in the hope that there will be a message there for me.
The beautiful Sonja is offering free Reiki sessions currently. May have to think about it. Guess you would be nodding your head and saying 'Do it!'
Love the area in which we have settled.
Answered an add to join a writing group. Seems to be so much talent here that I am in awe of everything that is available to me in retirement.
Your spirit friends did not let you know about the phone call because it was a spur of the moment decision. They would have had to be very fast.
Take care my friend. Please let me know if you get any messages especially for me.

Cheryl said...

My darling Diane. You have been my 'rock' and I know you worry. Yep! You are right! Haydn and the Melbourne Bitter is about friendship and I must admit that we are great friends. It sort of stops there these days.
I will ask him about writing some 'stuff' as I know it will shed new light on everything. He really does have a heart of gold however has put a barrier around himself to keep us all out. He does not realise his shield of armour locks him in more than anything.
Glad this week is behind me. How I miss you when I am forced to rest my arm and live with the pain. I miss the computer and my friends just so much. As you know!
The fiasco with Memory-of must be very stressful for lots of Mums. I have managed OK due to my limited time on here. I pray that it is soon sorted.
I did ask Karen how far you are from her. Is it going to be possible to visit you both when I eventually get over there?
Love you for the amazing friendship that we share...

Cheryl said...

Audrey, pleased that you have been given butterflies - particularly blue. They are so very special to me. I am amazed by their life cycle and the message of transformation that comes with their development. Something special for us to focus on during our journey my special friend.
There is so much for us to learn! We are all surrounded by the most amazing teachers that come to us out of the blue. Isn't life interesting and challenging at times? And yes! Prabably what we make it, although I know that if we knew better we would do better. So much to learn and yet as a youngster I refused to learn from others. I just had to do it for myself, often at great personal cost.
Thank you for enriching my life sweet Audrey.

Anonymous said...

you are often in my thoughts. sending you love and light. Fran

Cheryl said...

Hi Fran. Ditto!
At a bit of a loss being off the computer. I look forward to being pain free and able to please myself.
Take care