Saturday, December 18, 2010

Is the End Near? Or is it my Perception?

‘It is one of the commonest of mistakes to consider that the limit of our power of perception is also the limit of all there is to perceive’ – CW Leadbeater
It has become apparent of late that keeping a train of thought going long enough to do a Post is quite difficult. No excuses! It is just the way it is. There is so much I would like to do with these Posts and yet it simply does not 'come together' for me. 
Last weekend I purchased a new notebook computer, along with Dragon Naturally Speaking Voice Recognition Software, that will, hopefully, allow me to communicate with some ease. Laurice and Claire have a friend/worklmate that is going to help me with transferring files. I am excited at the prospect!
My concerns have not changed of late; the fatigue being my greatest hurdle. I ask myself 'Is it the Femara, along with other medications, or is it the natural progression of the disease?
In a telephone conversation yesterday, I spoke with my very dear friend Sonya. 'Sonne' has been an absolute 'rock' since we met just three and one half years ago as newly bereaved parents. As we were saying our goodbyes I had this fleeting thought that my time could be running out. Not wanting to 'give in' too early I have spent the greater part of today getting my focus back to 'living.'
I have the belief that we are often given some signs so it seems my patience will be tested as I 'play the waiting game.' This is not intended to be a unenthusiastic post about my life, it is simply my thoughts. These words are  for my pleasure, your enjoyment and the benefit of future generations that have not 'known' me in my lifetime.


Kaz said...

Chez i sure do not hope so,you have become a big part of my life and my heart but i know we talked yesterday and know where you are. I am lost for words as tears streaming down my cheeks.Big gentle hugs from miles across..

Love love love,Kaz.xoxo

stonepost said...

Chez, you have to outlive the guarantee on your new notebook computer! I hope you bought the extended warantee! Find something to make you laugh, it is so very important. I want to know more of you in the coming year.

Carole said...

Too sad to comment now Chez....

You are, as always, in my thoughts


Kathryn said...

Thinking of you and sending you love and light friend. Hoping that you do stay on the path of "living" Through mind,body, and spirit.

Diane Rodgers said...

My dearest friend,

You sounded very very alive and well to me tonight on the phone! You are meant to be here and to be well as you have such a gift meant to be shared ....

Maybe the decision to go off of the one medication is the right one! You felt good today and not so tired!

You need to go forward feeling ALIVE.... whatever the consequences of going off of the med is ok..... better to live feeling well and being able to do what you love than sitting or laying on the couch and not being able to move.

I feel Haydn loves you and just wants some part of his old wife back....

You WILL make the right decisions going forward because God is with you....He will speak to your heart and you will hear Him ....

Sending so much love across the seas....I am elated tonight just by hearing your lovely voice and your words of wisdom.

Big hugs and many prayers and lots of love....these will surround you from me always!

Love you,

Chez said...

Thanks Kaz. No tears my friend. Life is joy filled. Enjoy! Love and gratitude always xo

StonePost, once again you have 'nailed it.' Yes! Did take the extended warranty so that tells you where my thoughts are.
Laughter and dance for me! Just as Jezz would want me to.

No tears Carole my friend. Life is good and is to be lived. As you know. Live life, laugh and love always.

Thanks you Kathryn. Your thoughts are blessings to me and I have taken the message on board. You are always in my thoughts. Hugs.

Diane feel I have 'sort of' replied in a long winded way today. Take care and stay strong, just as your Mom would want you to xo

nancyspoint said...

I have only recently begun to know you, so I need much more time!! I agre with Stonepost, you have that computer with extended warranty, so that is a sign of some sort I'm sure!

Maundering mutterer said...

I think the most positive thing about you is your fierce will to live. I pray that you will still find joy and fulfillment on this earth. said...

You are one fabulous woman with much empathy and compassion for others. I'm so thankful you've come into my life. I think about you more than you know, and you are included in my prayers. Sometimes we have to release our fears and give them to God. I've been doing that more and more lately.

Recently I thought about the definition of "insanity:" Doing the same thing again and again, but expecting different results. In many respects, I've been doing that. So... when I feel powerless to change any negative thoughts... or my mother's dementia...I release my concerns to God, and it helps.

I have also released you to God, with a prayer that He surrounds you with His protective light and love and that it is His will that you thrive and flourish.


artistdeb said...

Chez - When it is your time to move on, I know you will still be. You will whole and and you will be free. Whenever it may be, please come visit me. I carry you close to my heart. Deb