Thursday, October 28, 2010

Dead and Buried!!!

The past week has seen changes in this household. Those reading my ramblings regularly understand that I often question my relationship with Haydn, even challenging why I am here. I began to notice changes in Haydn about a week ago. I simply became the observer. Sunday morning we were not at all interested in attending the 'Big Breakfast' in the local park, purely because the rain was falling heavily and it would have been impossible to stay dry. Although it was our desire to support the local ladies in their endeavour to raise funds for Breast Ca, we both agreed that breakfast at the Bolwarra Cafe had much more appeal. The old Haydn would have wanted to stay at home.

Yesterday I could no longer contain my curiosity. When I asked him what has changed he denied there has been any change. He stated emphatically that he is the same as he has always been. OK. I simply said I appreciated the changes and thanked him. Mmmm.

This morning I approached the subject again. It happened simply in response to an article in the current edition of the Women's Weekly. Kate Mahon travelled to the tiny Brazilian town of Abadiana, in search of healing. Kate had been told that medical science had no answers for her; she faced almost certain death from breast cancer which had metastasised in the brain. She hoped that by visiting  John of God at his healing centre, known as Casa de Dom Inacio, she would be healed. I observed it was something I may be interested in. Haydn gave it no thought before replying that there was money in the bank account if I decided it was 'right' for me. That is one of the things that sets his aside from the rest. I have never expected anything from him and often wonder if that is why he gives so easily.

The conversation continued. Haydn stated that I was the one that reminded him I lived with the uncertainty of a malignancy for which there was little more than treatment to keep me alive for as long as it worked. Hello! Haydn, I am not dead yet! How do you explain to someone that just does 'not get it?' I want no more than for Haydn to show compassion and understanding, rather than to harden his heart. I told him that I enjoyed the 'softer' version allowing me to make more of my life. Thankfully, he responded by letting me know that it is OK to remind him when he reverts to his 'old' ways.

I think I have some understanding of how difficult this has been for Hayd. After all, his first wife was sick for many years and was ready for her life to end. Now he has to deal with my illness. As a result, I have offered, on numerous occasions, to walk away, giving him the freedom to rebuild a life with someone else. He normally responds with humour by saying something like 'Where would I get a one breasted, one armed woman that can do what you do?' or, 'I have already had two women in my life with significant health problems, why would I want to tempt fate again?'

I think we have had a break-through. Haydn has been so busy preparing for the time that I am not here, he has forgotten that, right now, I am very much alive. Maybe we have just peeled away another layer. Alleluia! I apologise for commencing the last two paragraphs with 'I think' however, each time I go to correct it Windows simply stops working. I give up!

Thank you for sharing my journey. My life has been enriched by the friendship found on these pages.


sunflower said...

Cheryl, your post makes me smile this morning at Haydn's humor and response to your suggestion of walking away. Haydn is a very smart man in my opinion and he knows a "good thing" when he sees it, as the saying goes! I can see he has a deep love and respect for you even if at times the male wall is visibly tall to the sight! LOL
I see from what you share that he is on the same wave as you to look for healing and want it desperately! Hooray to you both and keep the channels open to possibilities for you! Beautiful in the sight of the beholder sweet friend! XOXO

Kaz said...

Chez all i can say is Alleluia.Chez maybe u read my email after this as i talk abiut a gift for H..This post also makes me smile as you deserve so much gentleness.I can understand why H has been a rough at times as the women he loves suffer with illness.

Chez never be sorry for showing your heart,that makes you who you are,just gorgeous.

Love always my friend..Kaz..xoxo

diane said...

So glad to hear there has been a change for the better. hope everything keeps improving for you.

Anonymous said...

Chez, Thank you for visiting my blog as it led me to yours. First of all, I am very sorry about the loss of your youngest son Jeremy. Coping with that must leave you with little energy to cope with anything else, and yet you still have so much else to deal with as well. I will be back to read more about your story through cancer and grief. Thanks for sharing.

Rose Mary Saraiva said...

Sometimes we cannot understand the actions of those around us. But we definitely appreciate them. As for enrichment, you, Chez, are the one that is enriching the lives of others, I do not know you personally, but yet I feel as if I have met you some how. Thank you for who you are! Rose Mary xoxox

Alli said...

Awww Cheryl men...
they can be the most confusing creatures at times. Always wearing an extra coat of armour like some wear extra long-johns to keep out the cold!! As you said where else could he find a one armed one breasted woman?? That by itself speaks volumes of uniqness! Cheryl I told you yesterday when we spoke. we are being primed for Sainthood!!

I think sometimes we forget to look outside of things, Stand back and observe like you did.. When you did you saw a different side of him that maybe he was afraid to show you his vulnerability.... also told you it was OK to give him gentle reminders. Maybe all it will take is a smile a simple thank you and a little push not a shove. We all go through our bad times. Lord I have had enough of my own it's a wonder I'm not a country and western singer singing about ""love done did me wrong"" hahaha
Go easy on yourself dear friend.

Love Alli xxoo

Anonymous said...

Chez I am so happy to hear that Haydn is open and receptive to the feedback that you have provided to him. That takes a big man to do that! And I agree with you - I think that he is bracing himself, and maybe sometimes it is easier to distance himself than to have to confront the present. Either way, not fair to you so I am really happy that you expressed your concerns.
I love reading your stories Chez. I am always inspired by you.