Memories

I am aware as I write that I like each entry to stand alone. For those that have follwed me from my BigBlog Lessons4Living I do apologise.

When I married Haydn in 1996, I believed it was for 'Better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness or in health'. I packed up everything in our family home and put it into cartons to be stored. Unfortunately I realised very quickly that the situation was intolerable for me. More importantly, Haydn was giving Jezz a hard time. Everything Jezz did caused a reaction in Haydn. I knew that I would protect my child at all costs. I think it was about 1998 that I knew, with absolutely certainty, that it was time to leave.

We had moved from our family home into Haydn's and the tenants that were renting our Warners Bay home decided that they would like to purchase. Unfortunately, they were unable to get finance. On the Saturday morning that we were making the move back to the house the Real Estate agent brought a prospective purchaser. Eric loved the home and made an immediate offer, leaving Jezz and me with nowhere to call home. I never did get to unpack those cartons. I made the decision to go ahead with the sale as I had no income and needed money for us to live.

Being the type of person that gives everything my heart and soul I had given up my studies in welfare, and my Kumon Study Centre, at the time of my marriage. This allowed me more time to give to Haydn and daughter Claire who had been traumatised by the tragic passing of Leigh.

For the past 12 years my personal things have been packed away. The things selected and purchased so lovingly in Singapore have not been seen for years. I now realise that they are only material things and have very little place in my life as I follow a new path of healing and wellness.

This entry is one of the sadness yesterday of unpacking one of those cartons to find the singlet and jocks that Jezz had worn on one of his many visits to the Bairnsdale Hospital. On this occasion he had stopped breating. It was a hot, humid summer day and he was always badly effected by the hot northerly winds. He was wearing this singlet with a badge reading 'Major Cheers - Cheers Squad' when he was rushed by ambulance to the hospital
It has been in my 'Personal Posessions' for 26 years. Do I keep it or let it go?

I am very mindful of the fact that when I am no longer here, these very things will mean nothing to other family members. I think it best that the memories go on these pages knowing that it is a record for a lifetime.



These handful of trophies represent the best of Jeremy's activities during his latter school years; Soccer, Indoor Soccer, Cricket, Air League, and Kumon. Although he loved Karate, I appear to have nothing representing the many hours he spent kicking his way to happiness and good health. I was always amazed that for someone of his size he showed incredible balance as he squatted down, hands on floor and lifted his feet leaving him balancing on his hands. If only I had the digital camera in those days! As I unpacked the box containing these items I knew it was time to let go; they would go in the bin.
The memories will remain in my heart and on these pages.