Tuesday, December 23, 2008

More Lessons..

On Saturday I baked Blueberry Muffins to take along to my final Positive Energy Group meeting for 2008.

I have been delighted to find, since moving to the farm, that there are many opportunities to be in the company of like minded people.

We were each asked what Christmas meant to us. It was easy to see therefor, why the topic chosend for the day was 'Love' As we were asked to bring to mind those people that we felt deserved to receive our love, I became aware that my problem was my inability to love myself. Why did I feel unloveable?

As I searched for the answers I realised that, in the past, I had easily been able to love those that I felt had returned my love. I had not been successful in loving unconditionally.
Loving my children was easy. I quickly learned to understand that their behavious was not who they were.

Knowing that Mum had passed without telling any of her children that she loved them I understand that, in my lifetime, I will not know the reason for this. Thankfully she did not discriminate. It applied to all five of us. It seems that she simply 'shut down' as a 16 year old when her first and only love was sent away to work on the railway. Mum never recovered from the separation of that young love.

Having uncovered some things that were very personal, and very close to my heart, I felt that there was definitely a healing taking place. It therefore surprised me immensely to find on my return hom that I was in unbearable pain. Although I have had some problems with phlebitis and bursitis, as well as lymphoedema, this pain was like no other.
I was 'pill popping' in an effort to try to get some relief. I knew I ran the risk of taking too many. The pain would not leave me. I was distraught!

I decided to e-mail my doctor in Sydney as well as a local Naturopath/Hypnotherapist named David that I had seen approximately 12 months ago.

This is David's reply to my e-mail;
'We are physical, mental, emotional and spiritual beings. Pain, in my experience, can come out of anyone of those areas although it is experienced in the physical. Learning how to release and let go allows pain to be understood, it's message acknowledged and steps to be put in place to do what needs to be done. Without understanding we often strugle with pain and curse our body for having it.'


I know in my heart that the loss of Jeremy has had a lot to do with my my current health problems. I hear him telling me it is time to 'move on.'

Unfortunately I am paying the price for abusing my body on this grief journey. Drinking far too much coffee, while not eating foods to balance it, has caused an imflammatory response.

I have been told that for each year of abuse it will take me one week of a very strict regime to alkalise and bring my body back in to balance.

I have a lot of work to do.....





6 comments:

yevisha said...

hi Chez, your muffins look yummy. there's nothing like fresh home made muffins. i don't know if this will help but if you go into dashboard, settings, formatting and click 'yes' next to line breaks that may be the answer. let me know if it helps. Fran

diane said...

Those muffins look elicious! I can't cook for nuts.
Sorry to hear about your pain, do you know anyone who specialises in pain management?
To change the colour of your blog go to dashboard and click on layout and click Fonts and Colours tab. Hope this helps.

Chez said...

Thanks Fran. I love to bake and muffins are so easy and freeze well.

Appreciate your help with this. I am learning about all the settings on the site. Did not get to change any settings on BigBlog. I will be fiddling around from Boxing Day.

Have a wonderful Christmas if our paths do not cross again before the big day. Chez

Chez said...

Diane baking has kept me sane at different times in my life. Always loved to cook up a storm.

I will work on the changes over the next few days. Thank you so much. I can see that I will get there. The help is invaluable.

Know this is going to be a very special Christmas for you with the family.

Lots of good cheer for you all..

Diane Rodgers said...

HI CHERYL, AFTER READING THIS I FEEL SO MANY THINGS INSIDE... WE ALL HAVE ALOT OF WORK TO DO. I ADMIRE YOU FOR KNOWING IT IS TIME TO MOVE ON AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. GOING INTO ACTION AND DOING IT MY DEAR FRIEND.

YOUR MUFFINS.....LOOK...YUMMO!!!! I AM BEGINNING TO LOOK LIKE A MUFFIN! HAHAHA.... SEEMS EATING IS SOMEHOW A COMFORT AND AFTER 3 AND 1/2 YEARS OF GRIEVING THE POUNDS HAVE ADDED TO MY FRAME! UGH! SMOKE TOO MUCH, EAT TOO MUCH AND TOO MUCH COFFEE ALSO. BEING DIABETIC DOESN'T HELP EITHER. SAY A PRAY I TOO FIND THE LIGHT AND MOVE ON...

I LOVE YOUR BLOG....HELPS ME SO MUCH AND KEEPS ME GETTING TO REALLY KNOW YOU BETTER EACH DAY!

TRY TO HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE DAY!... SO GLAD YOU ARE FEELING BETTER SO QUICKLY AND ARE ALREADY SO DISCIPLINED.

TALK SOON,
LOVE TO YOU,
DIANE

Chez said...

Evening Diane my special friend from across the miles.
I understand exactly what you are saying about eating and drinking too much coffee. Fortunately, I gave up smoking many years ago.
I will certainly say a prayer that you move towards the Light; Matt would want that for you also.
I am not sure how I will go on the day however I have found the preparation to be more enjoyable than I would have imagined. Some truly amazing things have brightened each and every day. I find the more I give thanks the easier the journey becomes. Giving up coffee has been easy although I could not have done it previously.
Will make sure I get online to catch up before 25th your time. LOL
God Bless Chez